Sunday, March 23, 2014

Meet The Press – March 23, 2014


Guests:
Bill Neely

Bob Hager

Michael Chertoff
Andrea Mitchell 
Jimmy Carter
Rep. Mike Rogers (R-MI)
Mayor Michael Nutter (D-Philadelphia) 
 Arne Duncan (Sec. of Education)

Mark Emmert – President, NCAA
Reggie Love
David Brooks

Rich Lowry


Gregory: Bill have they found

that missing plane yet?



Neely: no



Gregory: jeez this is taking forever



Neely: the French may have found

a wooden cargo pallet



Gregory: that sounds promising



Neely: but it could be junk from 
a ship or an escaping castaway



Gregory: thanks Bill



Gregory: Bob is this debris

part of the plane?



Hager: heck it could be anything



Gregory: what do we

need to find now?



Hager: the black boxes like these here

[ holds up big orange boxes ]



Gregory: they're not black they're orange



Hager: orange is the new black



Gregory: like John Boehner vs Obama



Hager: right David



Gregory: in this age of iPhones

how do you lose an entire aircraft?



Chertoff: I blame those wily orientals



Gregory: what should I be terrified about now?



Chertoff: this missing aircraft and

Ed Snowden shows that the

real threat is employees



Gregory: the calls are coming 
from inside the house!!

Hager: we must investigate the pilots



Gregory: oh good!



Hager: but we may never know

what happened to this plane



Gregory: never?!



Hager: right



Gregory: scare me Chertoff



Chertoff: your pilot will purposefully

crash your plane and there's not a

damn thing you can do about it



Gregory: that theory works because

they can't defend themselves



Chertoff: that's the beauty of it



Gregory: should I read anything

into the pilot's flight simulator?



Chertoff: yes it could be sinister



Gregory: oh my



[ break ]



Gregory: Roger you think this

missing plane likely crashed



Rogers: probably yes



Gregory: that's an amazing insight



Rogers: I am brilliant



Gregory: what's next for Ukraine?



Rogers: the Russians are literally

crucifying people!



Gregory: O.M.G.



Rogers: Putin is doing exercises

near the East



Gregory: shirtless?



Rogers: he might take Moldova



Gregory: Obama hasn't done

enough has he?



Rogers: we must take a tough stand!



Gregory: like what?



Rogers: Ukrainians don't want

U.S. troops on the ground



Gregory: too bad



Rogers: I don't and you don't either



Gregory: maybe I do – 
a new war would be fun to cover



Rogers: we should still send 
the Ukrainians handguns



Gregory: we could send them a

few of our spare ones



Rogers: we need to be a little bit

tougher with Putin – he's another Stalin!



Gregory: please continue



Rogers: he's crazy!



Gregory: is an invasion of 
the Baltics a red line?



Rogers: jesus yes – that would be insane



Gregory: you hinted Ed Snowden

was a Russian spy and he now

says that's absurd



Rogers: what else would he say?



Gregory: were you irresponsible to

float that theory without evidence?



Rogers: you can't rule it out



Gregory: that's rather slippery



Rogers: we all know he's under

the influence of Russian intelligence



Gregory: we do?



Rogers: we have a guy who stole information

it's absurd that he gets to define the truth



Gregory: if he was a Russian spy

why would he go to Hong Kong?



Rogers: those are all lies

Gregory: what's your proof?

Rogers: he supports brazen brutality!



Gregory: where is the evidence that

he's now influenced by Russian spies?



Rogers: we all know he is



[ break ]



Gregory: what will it take for America

to gain the upper hand in our battle with

Putin over Ukraine?



Brooks: FEAR



Gregory: yeah!



Brooks: we must create a 
climate of utter terror!



Gregory: fine David but do we really

want to start a shooting war?



Mitchell: the weak link is Angela Merkel



Gregory: good point



Mitchell: also the Ukrainian troops

are armed with broomsticks –

that's many things but it's not scary



Gregory: this feels like the 19th Century



Lowry: we're living in the 21st century

and Putin lives in ancient times

where you invade your neighbors

and take their women



Gregory: you're the Mayor of Philadelphia

what do you think?



Nutter: Americans are tired of war



Gregory: that's what Putin is counting on!



Nutter: no one cares Fluffy



Gregory: this is like when 
Saddam invaded Kuwait



Brooks: in this new world order

since 2003 you just don't go around

invading other countries



Gregory: right since 2003 that's not allowed



Nutter: it would be nice to rebuild our cities



Mitchell: he's using the pretext of

self-determination in Crimea and Moldova



Gregory: is Obamacare a success or failure?



Lowry: a failure – it's ruined millions of lives



Nutter: not true – it's helped 
millions get insurance



Lowry: that's an anecdote – 
the data shows that a lot of 
people already had insurance



Nutter: oh “a lot” never mind then



Brooks: it did insure people but it's

still big government which is bad



Gregory: Obama has issued changes

on his own – if that was a Republican

liberals would be mad



Mitchell: so true – Obama is weak

dictator who won't lead



Gregory: Rich is opposing Obamacare

a slam dunk in the 2014 elections?



Lowry: yes because everyone

hates Obamacare



Gregory: right



Lowry: but Republicans shouldn't forget

other winning issues like Benghazi

and the birth certificate



Gregory: but even you admit

Obamacare is here to stay



Lowry: no no – we will repeal it someday!



Nutter: the GOP has to stop being

the Party of No and have some real ideas!



Lowry: we are developing an alternative

to Obamacare any day now



Mitchell: the problem is Democrats are just losers



Gregory: ha ha



[ break ]



Gregory: should NCAA players be paid –

after all the coach is making $5 million,

and administrators, the school and 
sponsors are all cashing in on the 
athletes who get jack shit



Emmert: that's all wrong – these are

just students who happen to play

sports once in a while



Gregory: Reggie isn't that utter bullshit?



Love: of course it is – college sports

is a very big business



Gregory: true enough



Love: colleges should encourage

personal as well as athletic development



Gregory: are you all disingenuous hypocrites?



Emmert: no because March Madness

revenue goes to help the sports

no one gives a shit about



Duncan: we have to force the schools

treat the students decently and help

them get a degree which is why they are there



Gregory: why do the schools have

to be forced to do the right thing?



Duncan: because the people running

the schools are assholes



Gregory: the NCAA won't even 
feed student-athletes during 
a billion dollar tournament



Love: they need to do a lot more



Gregory: like what?



Love: guarantee not just an undergraduate

education but pay for graduate school too



Duncan: and pay for student's medical bills



Gregory: how about that Mark –

is that too much for your hard heart?



Emmert: yes



Gregory: what are you so scared of?



Emmert: losing the free labor



Duncan: god forbid they should

eat or be able to fly home for a funeral



Emmert: exactly!



Duncan: too many kids think

they're going to the NBA –

they need to get a real education



Emmert: no one is going hungry Fluffy



Gregory: okay but you're the one

professionalizing college sports



Emmert: fine but someday we may

help students graduate and give

them a stipend – isnt' that enough?



Gregory: but you're not even doing that



Emmert: but someday we might



Duncan: why not punish coaches

if students don't graduate?



Love: students can't sell their tickets

but everyone else can – that's not fair



[ break ]



Gregory: Andrea you got talk

to Jimmy Carter



Mitchell: yes I did – he was

once President



Gregory: I'd heard that



Mitchell: you are writing on

women's rights around the world



Carter: abuse of women globally
is a huge and unaddressed 
human rights violation



Mitchell: true



Carter: much of it comes from

religious figures who say

women are inferior to men



Mitchell: you quit your Baptist

church over this issue



Carter: they said women

had to be subservient to men



Mitchell: what about sexual

assault in the military?



Carter: they don't want to admit

sex abuse happens on their watch



Mitchell: you boycotted the Olympics

because of the Soviet invasion –

what advice would you give on Ukraine?



Carter: do stuff



Mitchell: does Obama ever 
ask for your advice?



Carter: no he doesn't



Mitchell: why not?



Carter: because I advocate for

Palestinians and that makes me

politically radioactive on everything



Mitchell: what about NSA surveillance

which was invented by Obama?



Carter: I mail letters because I

think my e-mail is monitored



Mitchell: where do you get the energy

to keep up with all your projects?



Carter: it's gratifying to help others



Mitchell: what a concept



[ break ]



Gregory: should the NCAA pay players?



Nutter: no but they should have 
more scholarships



Gregory: and that's another

episode of Meet The Press


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