Guests:
Sec.
John Kerry (State)
Gov.
Chris Christie (R-NJ)
Sen.
Bob Corker (R-TN)
Rep.
Donna Edwards (D-MD)
Joe
Scarborough
Mark
Halperin
Doris
Goodwin
Gregory:
OMG John Kerry did not
make
a deal to end Iran nuclear arms
Gregory:
Hi John
Kerry:
Hi David
Gregory:
can you make a deal with Iran?
Kerry:
yes – we just need to
hammer
out the modalities
Gregory:
what does that mean?
Kerry:
we use what I call 'exhaust diplomacy'
Gregory:
what is that?
Kerry:
where I keep talking until you are
exhausted
and agree to give up your
entire nuclear
program and also
throw in a plate of hummus
Gregory:
is Iran playing games while
they
plan to nuke Martha's vineyard
and
will that impact my property values?
Kerry:
no we just need to work on the
wording
of the agreement – you know
this
is serious business Fluffy!
Gregory:
yeah yeah yeah
Kerry:
remember this is a new
Iran
government – we need time
Gregory:
but I want a deal now!
Kerry:
there's no rush – we need to get it right
Gregory:
Bibi wants to crush Iran
before
we can lift sanctions
Kerry:
well he's an idiot
Gregory:
perhaps but I like him
Kerry:
let me be perfectly clear –
we
have to two deals – a current architecture
deal
and the hopefully another guarantee
deal
for a non-growing nuclear program
Gregory:
thanks for being perfectly clear
Kerry:
look it's not to much to ask to try
diplomacy
before we start another war
Gregory:
what's the rush – why not
punish
Iran some more?
Kerry:
Fluffy the point of sanctions
is
not to make Iranians suffer
Gregory:
what's the point of being a big
empire
if you can't inflict a little needless
suffering
now and then?
Kerry:
sure – but the reason to have
the
sanctions is to bring them to
the
negotiating table – well here they are
Gregory:
but punishing Iranians is so fun
Kerry:
don't worry we are doing that
but
also trying to achieve something
Gregory:
I'm worried that you and Obama
are
being suckered by these wily Persians
Kerry:
you're a moron
Gregory:
but you're not skeptical!
Kerry:
you're one to talk about being skeptical
Gregory:
ha
Kerry:
look Fluffy we're not stupid
Gregory:
but you're rushing into a bad deal
Kerry:
you moron we didn't even make a deal!
Gregory:
you're weak!
Kerry:
shut up Fluffers
Gregory:
Obama is weak and abandons
friends
and allows Syria to commit murder
and
is reluctant to use America's
awesome
military power
Kerry:
Hey stupid – Obama was the one
who
wanted to bomb Syria and Republicans
got
skittish and told him not to use force –
do
you even remember that?!?
Gregory:
but Obama is weak and
Republicans
are strong
Kerry:
Ask Qaddafi and bin Laden about that
Gregory:
but Republicans are manly
and
Democrats are weak!
Kerry:
that's mythology you dumbass
Gregory:
you said you don't think
Lee
Harvey Oswald acted alone
Kerry:
I'm Secretary of State and can't say more
Gregory:
but do you think it was the CIA,
the
mafia, the USSR or Cuba?
Kerry:
yes
Gregory:
thanks for coming
[
break ]
Gregory:
what about Iran?
Corker:
clearly Iran is about to build a
nuclear
bomb and Obama doesn't care
Gregory:
right
Corker:
Obama is about to give
away
the store because he wants
to
give muslims a bomb
Gregory:
so should we have more sanctions?
Corker:
I don't trust those wily Arabs
Gregory:
I don't blame you
Corker:
all of us want to see diplomacy
but
Barack Obama is always ready to
jump
in the arms of terrorists
Gregory:
we all know that
Corker:
think about it – if Obama eases
sanctions
it will like when Obama
gave
North Korea the bomb and
they
nuked Topeka
Gregory:
they did?
Corker: I think I saw it on '60 Minutes'
[
break ]
Gregory:
Welcome Chris -- there
is a lot of excitement about
you all over America!
Christie:
I know David!
Gregory:
how can you impact the country?
Christie:
people want politicians to
get
the job done and that's what I do
Gregory:
clearly you are a shy man
but
can you save the Republican party?
Christie:
look I am much too modest
to
talk about those things
Gregory:
give it a try
Christie:
if you go to black people
and
talk to them they may even listen to you
Gregory:
wow!
Christie:
I know!
Gregory:
you would lose to Hillary
Clinton
in New Jersey
Christie:
it's a blue state and I'm
a
Republican – suck it!
Gregory:
okay
Christie:
blacks, hispanics, students,
young
people – they all voted for me
Gregory:
are you a moderate or a conservative?
Christie:
we added over 140,000 jobs
Gregory:
that's not much in a state of 6 million
Christie:
fuck you Fluffy!
Gregory:
the Wall Street Journal points
out
you have a terrible jobs record
Christie:
but we cut business taxes
Gregory:
but it didn't work
Christie:
look stupid if I had done a
good
job I wouldn't have run again
Gregory:
sound logic indeed
Gregory:
what about Obamacare?
Christie:
I knew Obamacare would fail
that's
why I didn't set up state-run exchanges
Gregory:
that makes perfect sense
Christie:
I have boldly called on Obama
to
tell the truth – I always tell the
people
in New Jersey the hard truths!
Gregory:
like what happened with New Jersey
transit
trains during Superstorm Sandy?
Christie:
if you ask me that again I
promise
I will rip off your goddamn
head
and piss on your brain
Gregory:
okay okay
Christie:
don't push me Fluffy
[ break ]
Gregory:
Joe do you think Chris Christie
would
marry me if I asked him?
Scarborough:
I miss Colin Powell
and
Ronald Reagan
Gregory:
so do I
Scarborough:
Republicans need to stop
attacking
each and start getting together
and
winning like a football team
Gregory:
which one is Richie Incognito?
Halperin:
Chris Christie is magical –
and
he's a leader – he's like
Albus
Dumbledore meets Tony Soprano
Goodwin:
Christie is just like Teddy Roosevelt
– both
were blunt, fighters and
were
called communists by other Republicans
Edwards:
he's not President yet
Gregory:
why are you anti-Christie Donna?
Gregory:
I'm bored with praising Christie
– let's
bash Obama
Scarborough:
Obama botched the website!
Goodwin:
both sides are rooting the
other
side to fail and people are hurt
Gregory:
Obama apologized!
Mark
Halperin is that enough?
Halperin:
not to overstate the case but
Obama's
entire Presidency is on the line
in
the next few days – it will be a total
failure if he
can't get the tea party like
him in the next ten days
Gregory:
what happens if Obamacare fails?
What
is the plan for that?
Edwards:
what happens when people
realize
David Gregory is full of it? What's the plan?
Scarborough:
I try not to be partisan and
Republicans
will tell you that I am not partisan
Gregory:
oh sure
Scarborough:
but Obama rammed
the individual mandate
down
Republicans' throats
Gregory:
Kerry says Lee Oswald
may not
have acted alone
Goodwin:
we have a need to believe
in
a conspiracy to give the assassination
a
larger meaning
Gregory:
that's somewhat patronizing
Goodwin:
although my husband
thinks
it was the mafia and I think
it
was the New York Yankees
Gregory:
Joe I am so thrilled to cover
your
book about we can help the
Republican
party thrive
Scarborough:
I'm thrilled too David
Gregory:
we've got to help the
Republican
party win!
Scarborough:
we've got to come up
with
a big agenda and big plans and
stop
electing amateurs
Gregory:
sadly Americans do like
government
sometimes
Scarborough:
we used to win Presidential
elections
easily – because people trusted
Republicans
to be strong and smart
and
show good judgment
Gregory:
now – not so much
Scarborough:
right – if we don't change
Obama
and Hillary Clinton will have
16
years to choose Supreme Court
justices
and that will transform
politics
for 50 years
Gregory:
you sound worried
Scarborough:
I love the shutdown but it
was
bad tactics – like running the
football
on 4th
and 31 because
you
think it makes you more of a man
Gregory:
and that's another
episode
of Meet The Press
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