Sunday, December 19, 2010

Meet The Press with Joe Biden - December 19, 2010

Vice President Joe Biden
Mayor Cory Booker (D-Newark)
Fmr. Rep. Joe Scarborough (R-FL)
Andrea Mitchell
Mark McKinnon

Gregory: Busy weekend in Congress with tax cuts, gays in the military, DREAM and START

Gregory: Joe very nice job this week -
but what about jobs?

Biden: the deal to prevent the Bush Tax Hike
will mean more jobs

Gregory: Bush Tax Hike?

Biden: right - Bush signed a law to raise your taxes in 2011 and we prevented that and even added unemployment insurance

Gregory: Mitt Romney says there is still uncertainty - why did you not write the laws in stone or blood

Biden: job creators don’t care about rates for the rich - businessmen want a new backhoe

Gregory: but in 2012 people will want more tax
cuts for the rich

Biden: which people?

Gregory: me and all my rich friends

Biden: we had nail down a deal now

Gregory: Obama broke his promise to make Republicans to do the right thing!

Biden: hey Fluffy we lost the 2010 elections -
did you know that?

Gregory: really?

Biden: right - the GOP was holding unemployed people hostage

Gregory: but Obama compromised!

Biden: fuckin-a Fluffers - people were drowning!

Gregory: Obama is not serious about cutting
the deficit

Biden: bullshit

Gregory: oh?

Biden: right - all economists said to attack the debt we should cut the payroll tax and spend more

Gregory: so why not spend more money on shovel-ready projects?

Biden: great idea - we froze spending on discretionary projects

Gregory: I see

Gregory: will Obama veto any bill with earmarks?

Biden: who can say - we’d be willing to drive a
Chevy to the levee to fund troops in Afghanistan

Gregory: Veto - yes or no!

Biden: I veto you Fluffy!

Gregory: omg we’re going to have lesbians serving openly in the military

Biden: most of the Dutch military are gay men and they haven’t lost a war since Napoleon

Gregory: plus they’re all tall and good looking

Biden: especially in those speed skating outfits

Gregory: so true

Gregory: can we still build a missile shield
under START?

Biden: yes - look even John McCain likes this treaty and as you have no doubt noticed he’s insane

Gregory: Julian Assange says he will continue to release cables from Reading Goal

Biden: damm that fucker and his nice hair

Gregory: is he a crook?

Biden: he conspired with leakers unlike Bob Woodward who has a very nice townhouse in Georgetown

Gregory: is Assange a terrorist or a freedom fighter?

Biden: he’s a high tech terrorist because now I can’t bring my friends into meetings with other diplomats

Gregory: are we winning in Afghanistan?

Biden: in our effort to kill the last 90 members of al-qaeda we’re making great progress

Gregory: excellent

Biden: remaking the Central Asian region is however proving to be a little more difficult

Gregory: just be honest with me Joe

Biden: you’re a moron

Gregory: anything else

Biden: also truthfully Bush completely fucked up Afghanistan so we need to withdraw carefully

Gregory: Ok

Biden: we’re Al Pacino in Godfather III

Gregory: overacting in a regrettable sequel?

Biden: every time we think we’re out - we get pulled back in!

Gregory: should we be terrified of an al-qaeda
terror attack in America?

Biden: no

Gregory: that’s disappointing

Biden: but we should be worried about weirdo nutjobs like Underpants Boy

Gregory: How does Obama turn things around?

Biden: the American people want us to get along and get stuff done and goddammit that is
what we’re doing

Gregory: what is Obama - is he a liberal, a pragmatist, a Vulcan or an android?

Biden: he’s a progressive leader who knows politics is the art of the possible

Gregory: but Obama ran on changing Washington forever

Biden: but the Republicans decided it was in their best interest to obstruct Obama at every turn

Gregory: they were rewarded

Biden: right but they are already compromising - those weeping weenies

Gregory: can you speak reason to the GOP

Biden: Yes! I’ve been doing it all along Fluffman

Gregory: interesting

Biden: I like these Republicans and they’re
my friends

Gregory: Awwww

[ break ]

Gregory: Obama came through with big Republican votes on ‘Don’t Ask Don’t Tell’

Scarborough: it’s a big win for Obama who was losing his base

Gregory: Cornyn and McCain said it’s disgrace to shove gays down our throats

McKinnon: that’s stupid and bigoted

Gregory: How did Obama pull it off?

Mitchell: Admiral Mullen and others persuaded others that it was immoral not to repeal the dishonorable policy

Gregory: what about the tax bill?

Booker: it’s pragmatic just like DADT

Gregory: Oh?

Booker: sure - the liberal base wants to raise taxes on the rich but I tell you this is a good deal for people in Newark

Gregory: is this the new practical Obama?

Scarborough: passing this bill was easy - Obama needs to control the deficit or America will collapse like Ireland or California

Gregory: Oh my god!

Scarborough: raising the debt is totally reckless!

Gregory: You’re a Reagan republican!

Scarborough: that’s different! He was a white cowboy with nice hair!

McKinnon: do you like my scarf?

Booker: unlike all of you I actually have a real job

McKinnon: oh snap

Booker: I don’t care about attacks on wealth - I want spending to build up my crappy city

Mitchell: the GOP were dumb to oppose the DREAM act - these are people who are trying to educate themselves and serve the nation on the front lines

Booker: it’s crazy - it’s like if Einstein were a war
hero and telling him to get his anchor-baby ass back to Germany

Gregory: so basically you’re saying it’s another Obama failure

McKinnon: we went from 44% of the Hispanic vote
to 28% in 2008 - so good job, GOP!

Gregory: people think American is on the wrong track

McKinnon: so true

Gregory: people think ‘No Labels’ is right-wing childish magical thinking

McKinnon: Rush Limbaugh and Frank Rich both attacked us so we must be right

Gregory: okey

McKinnon: America likes good things

Scarborough: Leftists are childish and they
lost in 2010

Gregory: so how does Obama punish the GOP

Booker: I heard you are a moron

Gregory: yes

Booker: Who cares?! my city is totally fucked! I have to work with evil people like Chris Christie and Mark Zuckberg!

Gregory: Andrea are we ever leaving the nightmare that is Afghanistan

Mitchell: everything is collapsing so we might as well get the hell out

Booker: why are still cutting taxes for the rich when we’re at war?

Scarborough: Obama cut taxes and doubled-down until 2015

Gregory: I’m scared of terrorists hiding in caves

Mitchell: Pakistan won’t cooperate so we should just fucking leave already

Scarborough: I guarantee we not leaving in 2014

Booker: people in Newark are scared of gunfire but it’s not coming from Afghanistan I assure you

Gregory: Mark Zuckerberg pledged $100 million for Newark schools

Booker: did I mention he’s a genius and a
wonderful person

Gregory: schools are awesome

Mitchell: those Asians are beating us our asses

Scarborough: a non-shitty American education should be our moonshot!

Gregory: Amen

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - December 19, 2010

Sen. John Kerrey
Sen. Richard Lugar
George Will
Donna Brazile
Rajiv Chandrasekan
Chrystia Freeland

Amanpour: whoa gay soldiers, tax cuts, and START - hell of lame duck Congress

Amanpour: Senator will our military be all-gay now and what does that mean

Kerrey: well George Washington, General Sherman and George Armstrong Custer were all gay so it’s not problem

Lugar: I was persuaded by the Marines that their seamen would be threatened

Kerrey: Dick has his mind on the tip of the spear

Amanpour: Will START pass?

Kerrey: why not - we’re on a roll!

Lugar: the GOP will pass it if we can amend it

Amanpour: how so?

Lugar: to only allow lesbians in the military

Kerrey: I think we can do that

Lugar: also we need a massive fantasy missile shield

Kerrey: we can still build a fake pretend shield
if we want to

Amanpour: but the Preamble!

Kerrey: Schoolhouse Rock covered all that

Lugar: look as Republicans we hate North Korea, Iran, Afghanistan Pakistan, and Iraq but that doesn’t mean we can’t hate the Russians too

Amanpour: so how is our failing war
in Afghanistan going?

Lugar: Those wily Paks won’t close the borders!

Amanpour: Okay

Lugar: of course we can’t control the Mexican border

Kerrey: Look Pakistan has a very very fragile
corrupt puppet government

Amanpour: does it

Kerrey: yes - did you know American drones
killing civilians are very unpopular there?

Amanpour: No!

Kerrey: Yes!

Amanpour: Richard Holbrooke died

Kerrey: He was amazing and focused

Lugar: Pakistanis like money but getting money there was very difficult

Amanpour: Have you tried throwing billions
in cash out of airplanes?

Lugar: that could work

[ break ]

Amanpour: Should we stick with the Afghan quagmire?

Will: we’re winning battles but not the war

Chandrasekan: of course U.S. soldiers can kill - but the Afghan government cannot control the country

Amanpour: Obama says we’re winning

Chandrasekan: but he wants to withdraw - which is probably right

Brazille: what the fuck are we doing there - we’re fighting to force the Afghan people to take over their own damm country

Freeland: we’re in a recession so the uber-hawk GOP decided we need to leave Afghanistan

Will: Harry Reid called the GOP’s bluff and they weren’t bluffing - they really are crazy

Amanpour: so really - no more earmarks?

Will: yes nutjobs in the Tea Party have everyone terrified

Brazile: that’s fine but what the hell are they
gonna cut?

Freeland: the partisanship over the next two years will make 2010 look like a damm Amish barn raising

Will: oh no there will be bipartisanship - Democrats will give Republicans what they want

Amanpour: who won with the tax deal?

Will: Obama had a terrible week because a federal judge in Virginia with a massive financial conflict
of interest said you can’t force people to buy health insurance

Brazille: fuck you George

McCain: I hate gay people!!

Chandrasekan: I’ve talked to the troops and they don’t care if you’re straight, gay, bi or Lindsey Graham

Brazille: they’re good soldiers and willing to die
for their nation

Will: and willing to kill which gives me a happy


Sunday, December 12, 2010

60 Minutes with John Boehner - Dec. 12, 2010

Stahl: He’s the new Speaker, won one of the biggest elections in decades and is third in line for the Presidency - meet John Boehner!

Stahl: what do you think of Obama?

Boehner: He’s brilliant and good looking

Stahl: he called you a hostage-taker

Boehner: that’s uncalled for and if he doesn’t stop
I will shoot this dog

Stahl: you’re so wonderful

Boehner: I know

Stahl: you disrespected Obama

Boehner: true but he said I am a color that doesn’t exist in nature

Stahl: he has a point

Boehner: [ sobs ]

Boehner [ on tape ]: Hell no we can’t!!

Stahl: you said ‘Hell yes we can cry our eyes out!’

Boehner: sniff sniff

Stahl: you mopped the vomit off the floor in a bar
at 10 years old

Boehner: I had 11 brothers and sisters and one bathroom which will help in running the House

Stahl: you were Kennedy Democrats

Boehner: then I saw the Reagan light and cried my way to the top

Stahl: why did you sob so much on election night

Boehner: I’ve been chasing the American dream all my life

Stahl: what’s that?

Boehner: providing for the safety and security
of the lobbyists who fund me

[ stops, starts sobbing ]

Stahl: have you learned lessons from
Gingrich’s mistakes?

Boehner: I’m going to try avoid being a total asshole

Stahl: you worked with Ted Kennedy

Boehner: he was awesome but in my defense
he charmed everybody

Stahl: Obama says you have to compromise

Boehner: Hell no I don’t!

Stahl: I don’t get it

Boehner: I speak for the American people

Stahl: you compromised on the tax cuts

Boehner: shhh… the tea partiers are loonies

Stahl: will you treat the tea partiers like children?

Boehner: that’s putting it charitably

Stahl: but the tax deal will add to the deficit

Boehner: only spending is bad

Stahl: that’s idiotic

Boehner: I know

Stahl: what will you cut?

Boehner: cut the budgets of committees
in Congress

Stahl: that doesn’t sound like much money

Boehner: true but it’s useless

Stahl: you’re a much better golfer than Obama

Boehner: I know - I’m so awesome

Stahl: why not play golf with Obama

Boehner: playing with little white balls reveals character

Stahl: Mrs. Boehner are you proud of your husband

Boehner: [ starts crying ]

Wife: he’s going through an emotional time

Stahl: I can see that

Boehner: [ sobbing ]

Wife: hell he was a janitor when I met him and now look at him

Stahl: indeed

Boehner: [ blows nose ]

Stahl: well good luck to you both

Wife: thanks Leslie

Boehner: [ baaaaahhhh ]


Meet The Press - December 12, 2010

Austan Goolsbee - Council of Economic Advisors
Mike Bloomberg - Mayor of New York
Rep. Anthony Weiner - (D-NY)
Harold Ford
Savannah Guthrie
Paul Gigot
Gregory: Is the tax deal going to pass?

Goolsbee: sure it will - we can’t allow taxes to go up

Gregory: some people hate it

Goolsbee: I know it’s a bitter pill to swallow

Gregory: Larry Summers says we’re going to have a double-dip recession - is he just trying to scare people?

Goolsbee: [ puts flashlight under chin ]
taxes will go up in 20 days!

Gregory: the tax cuts didn’t create jobs in the
first place

Goolsbee: true - but Obama scored an awesome deal for the Obama tax cuts

Gregory: do tax cuts stimulate the economy?

Goolsbee: not for the rich - but it’s a compromise
to help working families

Gregory: will you really raise taxes on the
rich in 2012?

Goolsbee: it’s possible - after all some say the world will also come to an end

Gregory: the tax cuts for the rich will add to the deficit!

Goolsbee: adding by not raising taxes?

Gregory: right

Goolsbee: look Fluffy Obama agrees with you
and Tim Geithner!

Gregory: but how can you show you’re serious like me!

Goolsbee: if you want to cut the debt we have to grow the economy

Gregory: that’s not what Tim Geithner said

Goolsbee: yes he did

Gregory: whatever

Gregory: isn’t it a fundamental flaw that this deal doesn’t solve the deficit once and for all?

Goolsbee: you mean like every Republican plan since 1980?

Gregory: don’t we have to raise taxes on the
middle class right now!!

Goolsbee: there’s a lot we can’t afford Greggers

Gregory: when will unemployment go down?

Goolsbee: soonever

Gregory: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Gregory: Mayor what do you think of the tax deal

Bloomberg: hey at least they got something done

Gregory: but it’s not a long-term permanent solution!

Bloomberg: so what?

Gregory: but the debt!! [ screeches ]

Bloomberg: well maybe you should ask your Republican friends about that Fluffers

Gregory: but it seems like we’re not serious about tackling the debt problem

Bloomberg: we’re not

Gregory: so sad

Bloomberg: Obama’s job is to persuade people
to sacrifice

Gregory: do tax cuts stimulate the economy?

Bloomberg: sure - people take the money and spend it

Gregory: but the Bush tax cuts didn’t create any jobs

Bloomberg: are you deaf Greggers - I said rich people spend and invest money

Gregory: Is Obama a fighter or weak?

Bloomberg: well now he’s leading - by making
deals and accommodations

Gregory: I see

Bloomberg: we need to support the President to help the nation succeed

Gregory: how does he deal with Angry Liberals

Bloomberg: tell them to suck it up

Gregory: don’t Americans need to suffer with austerity?

Bloomberg: we need investment!

Gregory: really?

Bloomberg: we need a new great American innovation like the Erie Canal, national railroads, WWII, the Internet or the army of robots roaming
the subways of New York City

Gregory: what was that last one?

Bloomberg: I’ve said too much

Gregory: what must we do now?

Bloomberg: we must give people false confidence in the future - then they will spend wildly

Gregory: give me a tough choice you would make

Bloomberg: let foreign geniuses move to the U.S.

Gregory: sweet

Bloomberg: It’s national suicide to force businesses to only hire Americans

Gregory: are running for President?

Bloomberg: no

Gregory: are you in favor of scrapping political parties?

Bloomberg: they are very annoying

Gregory: you’re running aren’t you?

Bloomberg: We’re creating jobs here in
New York City!

Gregory: If I came to you and got down on my hands and knees and begged you to run - would you?

Bloomberg: no I’m too modest

Gregory: what do you want to do?

Bloomberg: I’d like to be the greatest Mayor of all time

Gregory: you attacked the left and right -
that tickles me in my special place

Bloomberg: thanks Fluffy

Gregory: could you roll Congress better than Obama?

Bloomberg: NYC is rocking and rolling

Gregory: but isn’t that easier said than done?

Bloomberg: Actually Obama is doing it

Gregory: really?

Bloomberg: and he’s creating awesome trade agreements

Gregory: what else should he do?

Bloomberg: Obama needs businessmen who have swept the floor for their employees

Gregory: I can’t say I’ve ever done that

[ break ]

Gregory: Obama brought in Bill Clinton to defend
his tax deal

Guthrie: The Bid Dog was in his element

Clinton: a Mexican Stand-Off ain’t gonna work

Weiner: I'm biased because Clinton married me

Gregory: I see

Weiner: When Bill Clinton compromised it was different because the debt is a problem now

Gregory: will you vote for this?

Weiner: Congress will begin to do our job - with
19 days left in the session

Ford: we got everything we wanted!

Gregory: really!?

Ford: Anthony is so worried about the debt - most of that come from the middle class cuts

Gigot: Obama endorsed Bush’s ideas!

Weiner: I’m not running around with my tail between with my legs!

Gregory: Is Obama?

Weiner: we have the numbers - we don’t have a
weak hand!

Guthrie: Obama is staring at the barrel of a gun

Gregory: wow

Guthrie: why didn’t the Democrats run on raising taxes before November?

Ford: I would like to note that Bush was a big-spending craptacular President

Gregory: let’s raise taxes on everyone!

Gigot: Yes! except the rich!

Gregory: Obama called the left sanctimonious purists

Weiner: Obama is right - if he had fought harder for the public option we would have it -
the people love it!

Ford: excuse me Tony - the public rejected liberals in November

Guthrie: Obama is finally fighting - against the left!

Gregory: Krauthammer says Obama pulled a Kenyan-style swindle

Gigot: Republicans promised to raise the debt and by golly they did it

Weiner: Republicans got what they wanted -
it’s frustrating!

Gigot: because they get to vote too

Weiner: Obama backed away from this fight!

Ford: Anthony the Democrats lost 60 seats -
did you know that?

Gregory: Is Obama a pragmatist?

Guthrie: this is who Obama is - the progressives wanted John Edwards

Gregory: okay then

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - December 12, 2010

David Axelrod - White House Advisor
Tzipi Livni - Israel Opposition Leader
Salam Fayyad - PM Palestinian Authority

Amanpour: Welcome David - Congressional Dems don’t want to cut taxes for the rich!

Axelrod: well do they want to raises taxes on the middle class and end unemployment benefits?

Amanpour: make me an offer

Axelrod: I’m not here to negotiate

Amanpour: what about the estate tax?

Axelrod: hey did you know there is a payroll tax cut?

Amanpour: Obama said he wouldn’t accept a tax
cut for the rich

Axelrod: right he never ever will - that would borrow money from China for no reason

Amanpour: but the deal extends the cuts

Axelrod: ah but not permanently

Amanpour: so will you raise taxes in 2012 which is after all an election year?

Axelrod: sure because the economy will have recovered by then

Amanpour: you negotiated with the GOP and
didn’t include any Democrats

Axelrod: It all happened so fast - Obama was at home watching the finale of ‘Dancing With the Stars’ with Mitch McConnell and suddenly we had
an agreement

Amanpour: Is Obama ditching liberal Dems?

Axelrod: not at all - he’s just ignoring them

Amanpour: Is Obama too much pulpit and not enough bully?

Axelrod: ha good one

Amanpour: Larry Summers says if we don’t make a deal we will have a double-dip recession

Axelrod: no he only said that it might happen

Amanpour: what’s so great about the deal?

Axelrod: it will get corporations off the economic sidelines and in the game!

Amanpour: this will add a trillion dollars to the debt!

Axelrod: these are existing tax cuts Christiane!

Amanpour: even so - how can we live with this debt?

Axelrod: what we can’t live with is this crappy economy

Amanpour: will any Democrats vote for the deal?

Axelrod: hey we hate this deal too - politics is the
art of compromise

Amanpour: thanks!

[ break ]

Amanpour: This just in - Israel and Palestinians
are still fighting

Audience: wow

Amanpour: Why are you humiliating the
United States?

Livni: We all want a peace treaty - I think

Fayyad: the process is broken

Amanpour: Can we make Jerusalem a place for all faiths to come together in peace - like Epcot

Livni: that’s a nice fantasyland

Amanpour: why don’t you recognize that not all refugees won’t be able to come back?

Fayyad: if only there were some sort of process to discuss all that

Livni: the answer is to create a Palestinian state to take refugees like Israel took Jewish refugees fleeing oppression in Europe

Amanpour: interesting analogy

Amanpour: Can the U.S. help at all make peace between the parties?

Livni: you can’t even do that in America!

Amanpour: good point

Fayyad: why not - they could be our broker

Amanpour: the U.S. has a bloody nose!

Livni: sorry about that

Amanpour: Fayyad has accomplished so much - why not assist him?

Livni: we are - we sent him a whole bunch of hannukah gifts!

Fayyad: thanks so much for those

Amanpour: would you like anything else?

Fayyad: um let's see - how about ending
the occupation?

Amanpour: can you do that?

Livni: Have you tried working with Bibi - he’s nuts

Amanpour: thank you both for coming

Sunday, December 05, 2010

60 Minutes - Interview with Mark Zuckerberg Dec. 5, 2010

Stahl: did you plan to have 500 million people turn their lives over to you?

Zuckerberg: I never knew people would be
that crazy - heh

Stahl: what does the word “hack” mean?

Zuckerberg: it means coding like a freaking maniac

Stahl: what’s a ‘hackathon’?

Zuckerberg: it’s staying up from dusk til dawn
doing crazy things

Stahl: you’re vampires

Zuckerberg: Shhhh

Stahl: Facebook is entirely different starting tomorrow

Zuckerberg: rights it’s a ticker tape of your life

Stahl: now you can see all your friends and
your friends’ friends

Zuckerberg: right - assuming you actually have any

Stahl: what about personal privacy?

Zuckerberg: what is that?

Stahl: people think you are sneaky

Zuckerberg: we don’t sell your information

Stahl: you just compile it and let others take it

Zuckerberg: if others do we hunt them down and
have them killed

Stahl: Doesn’t Facebook have to use information?

Swisher: of course

Zuckerberg: we don’t get it right all the time

Stahl: you hired a lobbyist

Zuckerberg: we love privacy - that’s why we
want to take it

Stahl: if Facebook creating a phone?

Facebook guy: no - we just want to own it

Stahl: is e-mail dead?

Facebook guy: no we haven’t killed it - yet

Stahl: are Google and Facebook on a collision course?

Swisher: Facebook smash!

Zuckerberg: the whole world is social!

Stahl: you’re stealing talent from Google - you even took their chef!

Zuckerberg: a man’s gotta eat

Stahl: you want to conquer the entire Internet

Zuckerberg: why stop there?

Stahl: Half a billion people give you their personal information - so who the hell are you?

Zuckerberg: I’m the inventor of Facebook

Stahl: you saw the movie

Zuckerberg: yes

Stahl: it says you only created Facebook to
get girls

Zuckerberg: not true - I created Facebook
to crush people

Stahl: are you a great entrepeneur?

Zuckerberg: well I sure don’t suck at it

Winklevoss brothers: We invented social networks and Zuckerberg betrayed us!

Stahl: but you didn’t invent social networking dudes

Winklevoss: he was our teammate - that bastard!

Stahl: why are you still suing Facebook?

Winklevoss: This is all about principles - he took our shitty idea and created a 30 billion dollar company!

Stahl: what is the deal the Winklevoss brothers?

Zuckerberg: I volunteered to help those losers and then I created a real website

Stahl: do you feel bad?

Zuckerberg: um no - those spoiled brats are crazy

Zuckerberg: you coined the term toddler CEO

Swisher: well like a toddler he’s grown immensely

Stahl: what were you right about?

Zuckerberg: I turned down an offer of a measly $1 billion

Stahl: when will you go public and can I get
some stock?

Zuckerberg: I don’t know, and no

Stahl: you’re a 26 year-old self made billionaire - do you ever pinch yourself? I mean really so it hurts

Zuckerberg: It’s pretty fucking amazing Leslie

60 Minutes with Ben Bernanke - Dec. 5, 2010

Bernanke: Unemployment is very high

Pelley: no shit Sherlock

Pelley: we lost 8 million jobs - when will we get them all back?

Bernanke: 5 years

Pelley: awesome

Bernanke: there’s more - people have been out of work so long they don’t even know most white collar people know spent most of their time at their desks on the Internet

Pelley: wow

Pelley: Wall Street is swimming in money but they won’t lend

Bernanke: why borrow money when you can’t sell anything?

Pelley: so no more bubble?

Bernanke: right - lend, but not too much

Pelley: why did you spend $600 billion

Bernanke: inflation is a problem in that prices are falling

Pelley: so. . . deflation?

Bernanke: right

Pelley: some people think you’re crazy

Bernanke: we’re not printing money - we’re lowering interest rates

Pelley: but inflation is terrifying!

Bernanke: that’s not a problem

Pelley: I’m still scared of 1979

Bernanke: look we can crack down on a return of disco in 15 minutes if we have to

Pelley: what about ABBA?

Bernanke: them too

Pelley: do we have a self-sustaining economy?

Bernanke: no you idiot

Pelley: how about the tax cuts?

Bernanke: we should worry about that 20 years from now

Pelley: how can we grow the economy?

Bernanke: simplify the tax code

Pelley: should the GOP run the Fed like everything else?

Bernanke: I’d have to say no

Pelley: you bailed out Wall Street

Bernanke: we prevented a breakdown of the global financial system

Pelley: you were supposed to prevent that from happening in the first place

Bernanke: no one could have foreseen widespread that obvious fraud and irrational lending would be a problem

Pelley: amazing

Bernanke: we didn’t oversee AIG or Lehman

Pelley: who did?

Bernanke: no one

Pelley: okey dokey

Pelley: what about the gap between rich and poor in America?

Bernanke: it’s great for the rich and not so much for the uneducated and poor

Bernanke: interesting

Pelley: Is America doomed?

Bernanke: not at all - if we can tweet our way to riches

Pelley: Awesome


Meet The Press - December 5, 2010

December 5, 2010
Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY)
Sen. John F. Kerry (D-MA)
Tom Friedman
David Brooks
Katty Kay
Gregory: should we cut taxes for the rich?

McConnell: of course we should

Gregory: Harry Reid says if cutting on the wealthy worked they would have fucking worked

McConnell: this would hit only small businesses

Gregory: they been in place since 2001!

McConnell: yes we would have had a bad economy without those cuts!

Gregory: that’s stupid

McConnell: I don’t care - a minority of the Senate has spoken!

Gregory: what about START treaty?

McConnell: never heard of it

Gregory: do you like the debt commission’s crazy recommendations?

McConnell: I love them - the debt is like the cast of the Jersey Shore

Gregory: how so

McConnell: both became hot when Obama became President and by January no one will care again

Gregory: are you made about WikiLeaks?

McConnell: he’s a high tech terrorist!

Gregory: Isn’t Obama incompetent for letting a Private get this information?

McConnell: I’m a GOP leader and even I think that’s a stupid question

Gregory: how terrible is Obama?

McConnell: the American people want us put Obama in headlock

Gregory: will you work with him?

McConnell: sure - we can approve the Korea trade treaty

Gregory: he was roundly criticized for leaving Korea without a deal

McConnell: that’s because the media is full of right-wing whores - thank god

Gregory: is he tougher than his opponents think?

McConnell: was he mean to you Fluffy?

Gregory: what about repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell?

McConnell: I can’t support it because of abortion in military hospitals

Gregory: [ facepalm ]

Gregory: what’s up John?

Kerry: Republicans want to cut unemployment insurance so they can give $100,000 to very rich people

Gregory: but rich people are very uncertain about how rich they will be

Kerry: the GOP is morally bankrupt and reckless

Gregory: but they’re so handsome and responsible

Kerry: the Chinese are making solar panels and we lead the world in per capita dancing with stars

Gregory: so why is Obama going to cave to the Republicans?

Kerry: he’s not!

Gregory: that’s not what I heard!

Kerry: Mitch McConnell is a prick

Gregory: Obama does nothing to make Republicans squirm

Kerry: not true - every morning he’s black

Gregory: good point

Kerry: Fluffy Obama rescued Wall Street and got no credit

Gregory: how does that make the GOP unhappy?

Kerry: I’m trying to focus the American people - listen up - the GOP is holding unemployment hostage to give your money away to rich people!

Gregory: you make that sound bad

Kerry: the Democrats comprised over and over and over - and this is our Sputnik moment except we’re East Germany

Gregory: Bob Gates say there’s been an overreaction to WikiLeaks

Kerry: Social Security numbers were exposed!

Gregory: oh my

Kerry: the truth of our diplomatic gossip can be very embarrassing

Gregory: How do you ask a man to be the last man or woman to die in Afghanistan?

Kerry: Afghanistan is not Vietnam - for example Afghanistan has treacherous mountains and it never rains

Gregory: how else?

Kerry: no good movies have been about Afghanistan

Gregory: that’s true

Kerry: we’re going to win in 2014!

Gregory: why does America have a sad Brooksie?

Brooks: the good news is we’re not Chinese - the bad news is we’re not the Chinese

Murphy: the Republicans will give on the START treaty which they support in exchange for tax cuts which they also support

Gregory: we’re not adding jobs but we’re panicking about the debt

Kay: we’ve reached Peak America

Gregory: I see

Kay: but things are worse in Europe because they peaked years ago

Friedman: we’re in flat world which means we need more immigrants, roads, bridges, and education

Gregory: you’re crushing my world

Friedman: people want a human-animal hybrid politics

Gregory: the liberal base is very angry

Murphy: he’s got to dump progressives and stop governing as such a crazy lefty

Gregory: what else?

Murphy: cut social security and medicare

Kay: Americans have a messianic sense of entitlement

Brooks: Paul Ryan is a very serious and inspiring loon

Gregory: I see

Brooks: McConnell made news today when he said he was willing to sit down - that’s a huge giveaway!

Friedman: I like things which are Big and Hard

Kay: the American people don’t feel the deficit is a problem just because interest rates are low which is sad

Gregory: Obama’s approval is not that bad compared to Reagan or Clinton

Brooks: yes but the economy is worse and liberals are wringing their hands over Obama’s weakness

Murphy: Democrats are silly to worry about taxes on the rich

Gregory: what did we learn from the WikiLeaks?

Friedman: the U.S. is giant money-laundering operation

Gregory: fascinating

Friedman: also we are addicted to oil and credit

Brooks: American attacked us in Korea in 1952!

Kay: the leaks show America is not as powerful as it was after World War II

Murphy: Julian Assange committed an act of treason!

Gregory: how so?

Murphy: he never puts shrimp on the barbie!

Gregory: Joe Scarborough says the GOP should man up and say mean things about Sarah Palin

Murphy: She’s a total disaster - but she can win the GOP Iowa caucus

Gregory: what up about Afghanistan?

Friedman: those wily middle easterners are only in it for the money

Gregory: ooh I hate that Tom - and that’s Meet The Press


This Week with Christiane Amanpour - December 5, 2010

Gen. (Ret.) Wesley Clark
Lt. Col. (Ret.) Bob Maginnis
Tammy Schultz - Marine Corps War College
Clarke Cooper - Log Cabin Republicans
Sgt. Stacy Vasquez
Elaine Donnelly, Center for Military Readiness

Amanpour: Should gays serve in the military?

Colin Powell, 1993: hell no!

Colin Powell, 2010: why not - they’re adorable!

Marines: let’s wait til we’re down to just one and a half wars

Clark: hey if we can fight two wars we can handle a few open gays

Amanpour: heck even conservatives support repeal

Schultz: the troops don’t think it’s a problem at all

Amanpour: but our precious Marines and their seamen!

Schultz: they’re too focused on fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan to worry about a couple of lesbians

Amanpour: ok we’re surveyed everyone and we all love gay people and also Glee is America’s most popular show

Donnelly: Gays in the military are like putting stones in your sack - very gay stones

Cooper: hey lady I was in combat and I only care if people shoot straight

Amanpour: the tip of the spear has gay panic

Cooper: all we have to do is send out a memo telling Marines to stop discrimination

Maginnis: the soldiers will follow orders but we will lose recruits and most soldiers come from gay-hating areas like Alabama and Idaho

Amanpour: fascinating

Maginnis: most soldiers are conservatives

Amanpour: are you sure?

Maginnis: yes for example they hate government but have cradle to grave government-provided health care

Amanpour: that sounds right

Clark: nobody asked on D-Day if Matt Damon was gay

Amanpour: interesting

Clark: open lesbians make great soldiers - they increase morale!

Donnelley: we can’t have premature adjudication

Cooper: there have always been gays in the military

Donnelley: the policy is too lenient on those wily wicked gays

Amanpour: Stacy you were promoted 7 times and then outed

Vasquez: yes I was highly decorated and commended for my dedication and professionalism

Amanpour: well thank god the U.S. Army is safe from your lesbian ways

Lyster-Todd: the British army finally allowed openly straight men and nothing changed much

British Admiral: turns our they’re like all the other blokes and chaps and now recruit we them

Donnelly: military readiness!

Maginnis: that’s easy for Britain but Americans are bigger which is a problem in the showers

Amanpour: oooh

Schultz: these opponents just don’t like gay people

Cooper: talk about combat readiness - we are low on personnel and ammunition!

Donnelly: the Log Cabin soldiers are at war with the U.S. military

Cooper: idiot

Clark: hey if fans of the Cavaliers and the Heat and serve together anyone can

Amanpour: don’t pass don’t tell

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Meet The Press - November 21, 2010

Sec. of State Hillary Clinton
Gov. Bobby Jindal (R-LA)
Rep-Elect Allen West (R-FL)
Richard Wolffe
Paul Gigot (WSJ)
Robert Draper (NYT)
Gregory: OMG North Korea is building a nuclear bomb - this makes it difficult for Obama to argue
for arms control!

Gregory: Hillary is the GOP playing politics with
the START treaty?

Clinton: all the world leaders in Lisbon sure think so

Gregory: yeah but they’re all socialists

Clinton: Republicans were in favor of this until
they realized Obama supported it

Gregory: but why does an international treaty have to be with a bunch of foreigners?

Clinton: Reagan said ‘trust but verify’

Gregory: Ronald?

Clinton: Nancy

Gregory: doesn’t Republican intransigence
weaken Obama around the world?

Clinton: I would ask the GOP to please pull their heads out of their asses and pass the damm treaty

Gregory: why are we leaving so quickly in Afghanistan in another four years?

Clinton: no we’re withdrawing - just very very slowly

Gregory: can we please leave some military
bases there?

Clinton: oh of course - we’ll advise them from our massive installations

Gregory: permanent bases?

Clinton: no

Gregory: are you sure

Clinton: ok may be one or two - or five

Gregory: Hillary is it really necessary to grope
every air passenger?

Clinton: let’s not kid ourselves - the terrorists have explosive underwear so naked pictures and crotch grabs are the best ideas we’ve come up with

Gregory: we got a terror conviction this week in civilian court - this proves that civilian courts are bad

Clinton: um what

Gregory: why do foreigners want us to try these evil terrorists in these weird “civilian” courts??

Clinton: Americans want it!

Gregory: these civilian courts frighten and
confuse me

Clinton: they’re called Article III courts - you know, because they’re in the Constitution

Gregory: would we release terrorists if they
were acquitted?

Clinton: no that would be stupid

Gregory: then why bother with civilian courts?

Clinton: wow I heard you were a moron

Gregory: I don’t understand

Clinton: trials in federal court are required by law

Gregory: but those courts can’t guarantee a conviction like military courts do!

Clinton: blimey you’re an idiot

Gregory: Hillary what do you make of the 2010 election results and will you please schedule a
pillow fight with Sarah Palin

Clinton: ha ha - Fluffy I’m trying to pass a nuclear arms treaty - I don’t have to time to comment on some reality tv star and her mother

[ break ]

Gregory: Bobby are the pat-downs excessive?

Jindal: absolutely - these strong measures prove Obama is weak on terror

Gregory: oh

Jindal: look at all the successes Obama had on stopping terror attacks - it prove he’s lucky and
not competent

Gregory: could you elaborate

Jindal: they’re playing defense - not offense!

Gregory: but you just said airport security was excessive!

Jindal: they’re too worried about the rights
of terrorists!

Gregory: Did Bush just get lucky too?

Jindal: no he was brilliant - but we he was also too soft on terror

Gregory: really?

Jindal: Obama wants to offer the terrorists therapy

Gregory: truly you have a fascinating world view

Jindal: there’s more - we should only frisk brown-skinned men!

Gregory: this is great stuff

Jindal: this is a clash of civilizations - they hate our freedoms and our way of life!

Gregory: Was Obama incompetent in responding to the BP oil spill?

Jindal: yes they admitted there was oil in the water and wasted time insisting on life jackets!

Gregory: my god

Jindal: It’s just like Hurricane Katrina

Gregory: you say Obama was too concerned about his image and not fixing the oil spill

Jindal: right!

Gregory: and yet you’re written a whole book about how you were heroic during the crisis and the
White House sucked

Jindal: They relied too much British Petroleum!

Gregory: your big idea was a sand berm and experts say it’s stupid

Jindal: yes - but that’s Obama’s fault too

Gregory: I see

Jindal: Also the sand berms were a success and Obama approved it

Gregory: I see

Jindal: Red tape caused the disaster!

Gregory: Haley Barbour says Obama did a good job with oil spill

Jindal: yes but on the other hand I met with Obama and he provided the resources we asked for

Gregory: Is Obama a one-term President?

Jindal: look we’re in a recession so the American people want us to cut jobs and spending

Gregory: are you running for Vice President?

Jindal: we’ve done worse than me

Gregory: Speaking of that - can Sarah Palin unite
the GOP?

Jindal: [ spit take ]

Gregory: why did you spit?

Jindal: I’m a freaking Rhodes scholar and America loves this quitting dim wit

[ break ]

Gregory: Congressmen what do you think of the airline gropeathon?

West: As a Republican I like all security but I also must bash Obama so I will say they should have marketed the kid-fondling better

Wolffe: jeebus the hypocrisy is amazing

Gigot: with the intrusive searches we risk losing public support for the police state which
would be bad

Gregory: we have to put up with this don’t we!

Draper: George W. Bush loved this

Gregory: Allen are you a libertarian?

West: as libertarians we support war but we’re against pat-downs

Gregory: what does that mean?

West: It means we need racial profiling

Gregory: fascinating

West: we got lucky with terrorism and they will attack us again - so Obama shouldn’t have instituted new tough security procedures

Gregory: will there be any bipartisanship?

Wolffe: I can’t tell where the hell the GOP is on national security

Gregory: Obama has to extend Bush tax cuts but those dirty liberal bloggers won’t let him!

Gigot: yes Obama must move to the right!

West: my district has high unemployment and closed businesses on Man street which means we should cut taxes for the richest 2% of Americans

Gregory: can we please cut Medicaid?

West: damm right!

Wolffe: Republicans will wait until Obama endorses the unpopular positions and then oppose him

Draper: the American people love tax cuts
for the rich

Gigot: the bipartisan solution is to cut taxes for corporations on the one hand and the rich
on the other

Gregory: how is that bipartisan?

Gigot: you saw it from the reaction to the commission’s recommendations - Republicans
liked it and Democrats did not

Gregory: oh I see - you meant the Beltway version of bipartisan

Gigot: right - Democrats agree to give Republicans what they want and Republicans agree to let them

Gregory: Sarah Palin rules our world!

Draper: indeed

Gregory: she says people ignore her stellar 24-months as governor of a state with fewer people than the Bronx

Draper: She’s a policy wonk but wrestling bears doesn’t show it

Gregory: Congressman she endorsed you

West: she has devoted but frankly weird following

Gregory: I see

West: there are wolves out there!

Gregory: don’t tell me about it - I’ve seen ‘Twilight’

Gregory: She’s beer and Romney is wine

Wolffe: true but the powers that be drink Chardonnay not Pabst Blue Ribbon

Audience: If they together it would be
“XX and White Whine”

Gigot: she’s comes across as real

Audience: real stupid

Draper: the Palin circus is not ready to run a national campaign

Gregory: what are their defining characteristics?

Draper: self-pity, mistrust and paranoia

Gregory: How does Obama recover?

Wolffe: don’t underestimate Obama

Gregory: but how?

Wolffe: he could try Hope and Change

Gregory: that’s catchy

Allen West: the GOP win is Pickett’s Charge!

Gregory: Congressman what is your mandate?

West: slash spending and demand Obama’s birth certificate

Gigot: the GOP needs to cut something symbolic

Draper: I can’t wait to see them justify all the pork they’re going to grab

Gregory: and that’s Meet The Press -
happy turkey day

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - November 21, 2010

Admiral Michael Mullen - Chair, Joint Chiefs of Staff
Amanpour: Hey we’re finally leaving Afghanistan
- in four years

Field reporter: Afghan civilians want Americans
to stay in Afghanistan because they are saving the lives of kids wounded by suicide bombers trying to kill Americans

Audience: of course

Field reporter: but we can’t kill our way out of Afghanistan because fighters can always hide
in Pakistan

Audience: hmmm

Reporter: so we have to teach Afghans how to fight - a concept they are unfamiliar with

Amanpour: Admiral is North Korea a grave threat
to America?

Mullen: Oh yes they are led by a dictator who
is determined to destabilize Asia and fund horrible movies

Amanpour: how could we let Korea get nukes?

Mullen: we tried sanctions but they never had anything to begin with so they didn’t work

Amanpour: so what’s the answer?

Mullen: we need to work with all world’s major powers - China, Russia, Europe and Facebook

Amanpour: fascinating

Mullen: Korea is predictable in it’s unpredictability

Amanpour: that makes sense

Mullen: he blows hot and cold

Amanpour: he’s like a character in a Katy Perry song

Mullen: he kissed a girl

Amanpour: I like it

Mullen: Obama is going to ask the Chinese to rein
in that wacko

Amanpour: Should we be terrified?

Mullen: Definitely

Amanpour: the GOP stopped START

Mullen: I know Christine - it’s crazy

Amanpour: but is it really a good idea - the GOP says it’s a government takeover of nuclear weapons

Mullen: it’s very critical

Amanpour: but wouldn’t this weaken America if we only have 5,000 nuclear weapons

Mullen: true there are fewer inspections but there aren’t as many bombs now

Amanpour: Obama has promised to modernize
our nukes?

Mullen: right - they will not longer use Vista

Amanpour: well that’s sounds good - but why do
we need this agreement which involves a bunch of foreigners

Mullen: hey the Russians allowed us to get bogged down in a quagmire in Afghanistan - we owe them!!

Amanpour: how can we put pressure on Iran and Korea if we don’t ratify START?

Mullen: the Russians are starting to wonder if we’re idiots

Amanpour: We’re going to stay in Afghanistan until 2014 - why the rush?

Mullen: It will be like Iraq - we’re not actually leaving but they will be doing the fighting

Amanpour: that’s nice but Iraq is a freaking paradise compared to Afghanistan

Mullen: the Afghans are learning to fire a gun and should have mastered it by 2012

Amanpour: do really think Afghans can learn
to run Afghanistan in just 4 years?

Mullen: amazingly yes

Amanpour: are you doubling down on killing
the Taliban?

Mullen: we are starting to reverse the losses of
the Bush years

Amanpour: what’s the deal this loon Karzai

Mullen: he’s pissed about the civilians we kill -
but you know the Taliban kill a lot of innocent people too!

Amanpour: Al Qaeda is now issuing white papers, Powerpoint presentations and fourth quarter performance reviews

Mullen: I like it

Amanpour: how about gays in the military

Mullen: they should serve openly because after all lying is dishonorable

Amanpour: Israel has open gays so why not us

Mullen: true but they don’t face an existential threat to their future existence like we do

Amanpour: they are surrounded by enemies

Mullen: I was talking about “Dancing With the Stars”

Amanpour: the Marine commandant is scared of
gay cooties

Mullen: that guy DVRs “Glee” so he’s one to talk

Amanpour: Thanks for coming Admiral


Sunday, November 14, 2010

Meet the Press - November 14, 2010

David Axelrod - White House advisor
Sen. John McCain - (R-AZ)
Alan Greenspan
Harold Ford
Newt Gingrich
Bethany McLean
Gregory: Dave did Obama achieve anything
touring Asia?

Axelrod: Obama is out there fighting for American jobs Fluffy and he rejected a bad trade deal because it wasn't fucking good enough!

Gregory: what about those Bush tax cuts
for the rich?

Axelrod: We can afford to borrow money to keep the tax cuts for the middle class but we can’t afford to borrow to keep the cuts for the wealthy

Gregory: but the rich have suffered so much

Axelrod: John McCain opposed those cuts
and he was right

Gregory: can I get a compromise right now?

Axelrod: are you negotiating on behalf of the Republicans David?

Gregory: it saves time

Axelrod: I see

Gregory: is Obama open to compromise please??

Axelrod: dear god stop whining Fluffers

Gregory: is the President going to move to the right?

Axelrod: the message from the American people is they want us to act together and give them jobs

Gregory: I still hear you still fighting for liberals - dammit will you just stop and be conservative already!!

Axelrod: ok how about tax cuts for businesses?

Gregory: the Chairmen of the debt commission proposed a lot of pain and spending cuts which
I hope will be very popular

Axelrod: no one wants cuts or higher taxes so this should be a lot of fun

Gregory: Is Obama willing to finally stop all this free money going to the elderly and sick?

Axelrod: the right-wing demagogues this issue

Gregory: [ grinning ]
but you won’t even make any concessions on my tv show!!!

Axelrod: I heard you were a moron

Gregory: so did I

Axelrod: this is a dark cloud over us and we
must make these cuts

Gregory: excellent

Gregory: what about Rahm

Axelrod: he’s fucking crazy

Gregory: are we ever going to make progress in Afghanistan?

Axelrod: we need to train the Afghans to fight and love America which is tricky

[ break ]

Gregory: President McCain what would it take to satisfy you in Afghanistan?

McCain: it’s just a fact that we must never leave that far-away country or terrorists will come here and
cut our heads off

Gregory: but President Karzai doesn’t even
want us there

McCain: he’s paranoid

Gregory: you’re calling him paranoid?

McCain: look the entire Afghan government is corrupt and Pakistan is harboring international terrorists

Gregory: these are arguments for staying there?

McCain: exactly

Gregory: what about gays in the military

McCain: Look we need a study that says gays
are icky

Gregory: fascinating

McCain: we need a thorough and complete study to determine the if gay people cause cooties

Gregory: your wife called you a bigot - what
did you say to her?

McCain: I only communicate with my wife through Twitter

Gregory: doesn’t military honor require not lying

McCain: the head of the marines has validated
my bigotry!

Gregory: but what do you believe personally
about gays?

McCain: look I met a soldier in Kandahar who has
to sleep with all the men under him

Gregory: interesting

McCain: these are petty officers!

Gregory: Indeed they are

Gregory: we have more tape of you on Meet The Press than anyone else

McCain: oh noes

Gregory: you blatantly flip-flopped on tax cuts
on the rich

McCain: look this is a very different time - we now know what an incredible hypocrite I am

Gregory: what about the debt commission?

McCain: the American people have sent the message that they hate spending and want to send all of their money to the richest one-percent

Gregory: President Bush is peeved at you for
not campaigning with him

McCain: I had to do it - Obama was trying to
tie me to Bush

Gregory: yes he tried to link you in the public's mind

McCain: no he found us backstage and tied us up!

Gregory: my god - well that’s it until your 60th appearance

McCain: Ooh I hope I get a toaster

[ break ]

Gregory: Alan where are the jobs?

Greenspan: there are no construction jobs because we already built what we need and businesses are very uncertain about the future which we need to be certain about

Gregory: Newt you’re a failure and widely hated - tell us about world economics

Gingrich: all of this is Obama’s fault because he hate business

Ford: Newt is right that I should have been the
first black President

Gingrich: um what

Ford: we should have a moratorium on regulations and accept all the debt commission recommendations

Gregory: Beth how can American thrive until we inflict more pain on homeowners

McLean: if the government stops involvement in housing there will be another crash

Greenspan: hey old white men are doing great

Gingrich: this debt commission report debate is stupid because we won’t cut social security

Gregory: but don’t we have to have an adult conversation that we must
slash funding for the poor and give money to the rich??

Greenspan: the Congress will pass these recommendations because they must or bond traders will have a sad

McLean: we are headed to a huge crisis

Gregory: I’m just a talk show host but we must raise the retirement age!! [ sobs ]

Ford: Newt Gingrich is a close friend and handsome man - why can’t he lead the Democrats to cut social security ??

Gingrich: this stupid chairmen’s plan is a step backwards because it’s a hurtful proposal from bunch of rich people who won’t be affected by their own recommendations

Gregory: gee that’s what I liked about it

Gregory: [ shows tape of people rioting in Europe ]
look at this horrible social unrest just because poor people see all the benefits going to the rich

Ford: I love the Tea Party because they realize that we must eliminate Social Security for young and poor people

Gregory: Newt does Obama have the guts to slash Medicare?

Gingrich: I fear government workers in Albany
will riot

Gregory: over cuts in salaries?

Gingrich: Lack of parking

Gregory: should we cut the debt by extending tax cuts for the very rich?

Greenspan: yes - also the deficit is a real problem which is why we need to cut entitlements

McLean: those tax cuts sure didn’t provide jobs

Gregory: only 8 million were lost

McLean: We’re running out of time - the bond will take their balls and go home and then we will have no balls!

Gregory: what if the government gets out of the mortgage business?

Greenspan: home prices get lower and we will have to foreclose on 8 million people which will be necessary but exhausting

Gregory: Newtie will you run for President please

Gingrich: yes but first I must create a movement for insanity

Gregory: I’m torn between you and Sarah Palin

Gingrich: true - also there’s heavyweights Huckabee, Romney and Barbour

Gregory: Don’t forget my new best buddy - Bobby Jindal - squee!!!


This Week with Christiane Amanpour - November 14, 2010

Sen. Lindsey Graham
Madeline Albright
Amanpour: [ plays music from The Amazing Race ]
Obama… is… in... a race around the world!!

Tapper: Obama came to Mumbai so he could see where all the American jobs went

[ scenes of Obama dancing ]

Tapper: South Korea won’t dance to America’s
tune and open up to American beef

Obama: that is an irritant!

Tapper: the fed weakened US currency and Germany declared war

Obama: but only to grow the economy!

Amanpour: Madeline why are people criticizing America - we’re so awesome

Albright: that’s the purpose of these summits -
give the little nations a chance to bitch and whine

Amanpour: so it’s like a blogger conference call

Graham: Congress will crack down on those
wily Chinese!

Amanpour: How can America lecture the rest of
the world when we have a terrible debt

Graham: America clearly cannot lead the rest of the world until we cut Medicaid

Amanpour: oh I hope so

Graham: no other nation will trust us until we increase the retirement age

Amanpour: should we cut nuclear weapons?

Albright: yes we should cut them for other nations

Amanpour: Linds can we ratify START?

Graham: yes but first need an incredibly wasteful useless expensive missile defense system

Amanpour: Our puppet President in Afghanistan seems not to love America

Graham: We had a lovely dinner with me and
McCain and Hamid and We Own The Night!!

Amanpour: how nice

Graham: the security raids are going great and we must keep Night Ranger on the table

Amanpour: can we bring troops home in 2011?

Graham: yes but first we must win!!

Amanpour: I get it

Graham: it would be nice to have 2 airbases there permanently - is that too much to ask??

Albright: we should stay there until we train the Afghans properly to love us

Amanpour: how do you do that?

Albright: they’re Afghans - use a Dog Whisperer

Amanpour: or a Native Whisperer

Amanpour: Lindy are you a tea party isolationist?

Graham: I am an internationalist hawk - I believe Sunnis and Shia should marry each other as long
as they’re straight or hide it

Amanpour: that makes sense

Graham: I would like to add that we should attack Iran

Amanpour: but the tea party!!

Graham: they’re idiots - if we don’t invade Iran there will be Sharia law in Oklahoma

Albright: good god

[ break ]

Amanpour: isn’t it terrible that this debt is ruining American foreign policy?

Cote: Oh yes it’s so so sad

Amanpour: people keep yammering on and on about jobs going overseas

Cote: those jackwagons need stop whining

Conrad: we need to shock Americans

Amanpour: through draconian cuts?

Conrad: no I mean actual electroshock

Amanpour: should we eliminate tax deductions and cut taxes for the rich

Conrad: abusive tax shelters are a bit of a problem

Amanpour: Paul Krugman says the latest proposal is just a giveaway to the rich

Cote: this is not a time for arguing about who is getting rich and getting poor - this is a time for agreeing that we should slash tax rates for the very wealthy

Conrad: Social Security will go broke in 2027!

Amanpour: Greenspan says we should weaken
our currency even more

Cote: look I’m just a rich fate white CEO

Amanpour: so you know everything

Cote: Obama prevented a Depression and should get more credit

Amanpour: We have scary troops in South Korea - how could we not get a trade deal?

Conrad: Obama finally said no to them - yeah!

Amanpour: but the Germans were mean to us and frankly they scare me

Conrad: excuse me we did those krauts a little favor in 1945 and they should remember that

Amanpour: what was that?

Conrad: we got the damm French out of their hair
- a little gratitude would be nice

Amanpour: bien sur

Sunday, November 07, 2010

60 Minutes with Barack Obama - Nov. 7, 2010

Kroft: The GOP says the election was a referendum on you and the Democrats

Obama: no it was a referendum on a really sucky economy

Kroft: wasn’t it a rejection of your leadership?

Obama: hey we had to spend a lot of money to fix the Bush economy

Kroft: so you’re a Big Government socialist

Obama: no I just didn’t communicate that we were in an emergency requiring we send a trillion dollars to Wall Street bankers

Kroft: voters want smaller government

Obama: but first they want jobs and growth

Kroft: are you saying people don’t hate government ?

Obama: no I’m sure they do -- so do I

Kroft: why did women and blacks stay home or vote for the GOP which traditionally hate them

Obama: because unemployment rose after I was sworn in

Kroft: The Beltway changed you from a hopeless idealist to a corrupt cynic

Obama: that’s not right - but I was too focused on getting things done

Kroft: the Tea Partiers are you from 2 years ago

Obama: hey accomplishing change is really hard to do

Kroft: oh?

Obama: yeah this town is full of a lot of special interests and some real assholes

Kroft: you've lost you're edge

Obama: this city will crush you soul Steve!

Kroft: how have you been compromised?

Obama: I agreed to outrageous spending to get real reform

Kroft: you mean earmarks

Obama: right - maybe I can work with these lunatics to really change Washington

Kroft: do you have any regrets

Obama: look first I addressed the economy and then I did health care because it was risky but necessary

Kroft: what went wrong

Obama: I thought if we offered a bill introduced by Republicans then they might vote for it

Kroft: oh you are so so naive

Obama: heh dude I know

Kroft: is the recession over?

Obama: technically maybe but not for people who are unemployed

Kroft: like dozens of Democratic politicians

Obama: exactly

Kroft: do you get discouraged?

Obama: every damm day steve-o

Kroft: what can you do

Obama: ask the Republicans to pay for infrastructure which will benefit their constituents

Kroft: but the GOP are not interested in that

Obama: I know

Kroft: what is the deal with the tea party?

Obama: we have a great tradition of rebellion and that’s nice but some people think government is pretty useful

Kroft: interesting

Obama: we shall see if they are tools of corporate interests or not

Kroft: what do you think of the GOP leaders

Obama: we’ve always been cordial

Kroft: but they call you the Kenyan Hitler

Obama: true but I said Boehner was a color not found in nature

Kroft: well that is true

Obama: no I once had an Indonesian apricot that was the same hue

Kroft: Bush signed a law which would automatically raise taxes so are you willing to cut them or not raise them for rich people like me and you

Obama: should we borrow $700 billion from our grandchildren to give really really rich people a tax cut?

Kroft: maybe we could build a time machine and get their permission

Obama: look I like rich people too but we just don’t have the money

Kroft: but the GOP runs Congress now

Obama: where is the money??

Kroft: Boehner says we should cut money for poor people to pay tax cuts for the rich

Obama: yeah that sounds like him

Kroft: we’re not talking about rich people - we’re talking about struggling small business people who make $300,000 a year

Obama: good god

Kroft: you’re anti-business

Obama: no I’m pro-consumer

Kroft: businesses need to know what government will do in the future forever

Obama: that’s crazy

Kroft: I know

Obama: it’s important to write rules to restrain bankers and insurers

Kroft: progressives think you’ve lost you’re mojo

Obama: I was so focused on getting things done I forgot to sell it better

Kroft: are a sell-out?

Obama: liberals need to realize some of this country is conservative and always will be and no amount of magic will change that

Kroft: you’re on television more than the Sham Wow guy

Obama: some people only watch The View

Kroft: oh my

Obama: I’m reaching women with daytime tv, the young people with the Daily Show, and the super-elderly with 60 Minutes

Kroft: what is next for you?

Obama: Michelle and I will be contestants on The Amazing Race

Kroft: what have you learned about yourself and the American people

Obama: I’ve learned that the people are suffering greatly and so am I

Kroft: good luck with that

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - November 7, 2010

This Week
Sen-Elect Rand Paul (R-KY)
Mike Pence (R-IN)
Evan Bayh
John Podesta
Mike Dowd
George Will
Amy Walter

Amanpour: Hi everyone - the Republicans have their biggest majority in the House since the 1940s

Amanpour: today we have prominent tea party loon Rand Paul - what is your big issue?

Paul: the debt

Amanpour: oh?

Paul: indeed - Republicans doubled the debt and Democrats triple the debt it's so so sad

Amanpour: so how will you balance the budget?

Paul: Constitutional amendment

Amanpour: how realistic

Paul: also a rule requiring spending cuts

Amanpour: ok then

Paul: the GOP won’t cut defense and liberals won’t cut health care

Amanpour: would you cut defense

Paul: sure

Amanpour: how about entitlements?

Paul: absolutely

Amanpour: would you raise the retirement age?

Paul: we have too many lazy old people retiring

Amanpour: will you repeal health care reform?

Paul: it’s unconstitutional!

Amanpour: what about raising taxes

Paul: oh no no

Amanpour: but I thought you wanted to cut the debt

Paul: all we have to do is introduce a balanced budget

Amanpour: what is the Tea Party foreign policy?

Paul: a big powerful expensive defense
and lower debt

Amanpour: could you name some specific cuts?

Paul: freeze federal hiring and cut federal salaries

Amanpour: anything more specific?

Paul: there are lots of books about there

Amanpour: oh there are?

Paul: indeed we should stop printing so many - reading is overrated

Amanpour: good idea Rand

Paul: in Kentucky we balance the budget

Amanpour: how do you do that?

Paul: at the end of the year everyone digs in their couches for spare change

Amanpour: will you vote to raise the debt ceiling?

Paul: no

Amanpour: but then the U.S. will default

Paul: luckily no one likes me so my vote won’t matter

Amanpour: so will you have any influence in Congress?

Paul: we’re the Tea Party - we’re loud and proud

Amanpour: can the tea party compromise with Democrats?

Paul: sure - let’s cut defense

Amanpour: but what about all our fun wars?

Paul: I’m patriotic but I’m starting to wonder whether all these wars are all they’re cracked up to be

Amanpour: oh dear

[ break ]

Amanpour: Mike Pence are you running for President and if so are you crazy

Pence: I will consult with my family and the Lord

Amanpour: Rush Limbaugh?

Pence: that’s right

Amanpour: Dave Stockman what is the Big Lie?

Stockman: both parties have both become Free Lunchers

Amanpour: oh noe

Stockman: the debt is out of control

Pence: in this week Americans rejected liberalism and bailouts

Amanpour: but Republicans were behind the bailout

Pence: maybe but that was before - Republicans
are now against all domestic spending

Amanpour: how interesting

Stockman: criminy we put the GOP in charge and they wrecked everything - we need to take on Grannies, the Pentagon, and Scooter Manufacturers

Pence: the Axis of Evil

Stockman: we have a Credit Card Empire

Amanpour: what is that?

Stockman: its like a Boardwalk Empire after you’ve gone into a casino

Pence: we have to cut spending right now that a black Democrat is President

Stockman: we should raise taxes

Pence: no, no, no anything but that

Stockman: we can’t police the world with this deficit

Pence: if we raise taxes the rich will Go Galt and take the job-creating abilities to the Cayman Islands

Stockman: the Chinese are coming to take us over

Amanpour: why is so much American wealth going to the very rich?

Pence: hey those rich people create all the jobs - those people should get down on their knee and be grateful for the crumbs they get

Stockman: what a shithead

Amanpour: what happens now?

Podesta: Republicans have to offer real ideas

Amanpour: will there be compromise?

Podesta: no

Dowd: the voters want action and results
so Congress and the White House will have to work together

Bayh: well that’s easy to say but the good moderates keep getting pushed aside by the bad activists

Dowd: Obama must credibly reach across the aisle - he has the megaphone therefore this is all his fault

Amanpour: what did all 100 million voters say Amy?

Walter: they said ‘we hate moderates - we want polarization!’

Amanpour: really?

Walter: no they were saying ‘we want jobs’

Amanpour: I hear that

Will: liberals are under the delusion that they improved the economy

Podesta: they did

Amanpour: interesting

Podesta: but now that Obama has fixed the economy he must cut the debt

Bayh: voters want bland boring moderates with
no principles

Amanpour: how lucky for you

Bayh: yay me

Amanpour: now that Warren Buffet has embraced liberal ideas are progressive policies dead?

Podesta: Obama must offer Republicans something they want like a a payroll holiday or Fox News
in every home

Dowd: or the GOP could offer spending cuts

Bayh: voters care about one thing: cutting spending and the debt

Amanpour: I didn’t know that

Bayh: look at the UK they’re doing great with their austerity program

Will: the GOP care about the debt but they really care about lower taxes for rich people

Amanpour: are there any women left in politics?

Walter: sure Sarah Palin, Nancy Pelosi, Michelle Bachmann and Nikki Haley

Amanpour: oh my - should the Dems reelect Pelosi

Podesta: yes the GOP are scared of her

Bayh: um what [ staring at self in monitor ]

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Meet The Press - October 31, 2010

John Brennan - White House counterterrorism advisor
Gov. Haley Barbour (R-MS)
Tim Kaine - DNC Chair
Tom Brokaw
Chuck Todd
Michelle Norris
Charlie Cook
Mark Halperin
Gregory: are there explosive packages still
out there and should this affect my trick or treating?

Brennan: absolutely

Gregory: so I should be very frightened?

Brennan: at all times

Gregory: Is the same group behind the
Christmas Day plot to drop wrapped packages
down our chimneys?

Brennan: yes and they targeted synagogues
so they covered their bases

Gregory: were they tying to exploit the fact there
are no passengers on cargo planes which could be very threatening?

Brennan: right

Gregory: that sounds terrifying

Brennan: it is

Gregory: but there’s a huge loophole because
cargo isn’t screened!

Brennan: yes terrorists may just start mailing bombs marked “you may already be a winner”

Gregory: I love those

Brennan: who wouldn’t open one of those?

Gregory: is Al-Qaeda evolving?

Brennan: yes like primates into humans

Gregory: amazing

[ break ]

Gregory: Gov. Barbour what is this election about?

Barbour: it’s about excessive spending
and debt

Gregory: it’s a repudiation of Republicans?

Barbour: no no - see after 30 years of doing the opposite the GOP is now against spending and debt and deficits

Gregory: oh I see

Kaine: look we cut the deficit and they said their only goal is to make Obama a one-term President

Barbour: this is biggest lurch to the left since FDR and people hate that guy

Gregory: give me your prediction

Barbour: Pain!

Gregory: you said politicians will run on
healthcare and none of them are

Kaine: that’s a lie

Gregory: maybe but it’s a good story

Kaine: you sure seem to love it

Gregory: most Dems are not running on health care reform

Kaine: that’s just not true

Barbour: oh lawdy oh mah stars

Gregory: Gov. Barbour I love your ideas but can
you really keep your promises to cut medicare and spending?

Barbour: anyone can cut $100 billion

Gregory: so why don’t you say how you will do it?

Barbour: aww hawgwash

Gregory: can you really please repeal health care reform?

Barbour: we’ll try Flaffy

Gregory: can there be bipartisanship?

Kaine: we’re going to force the GOP to cut
social security

Gregory: wow!

Barbour: skyrockin debt!

Kaine: we saved the auto industry

Barbour: who is the left of Obama I mean who
spent more than him??

Kaine: Nixon Ford Reagan Bush and Bush

Barbour: well except for them

[ break ]

Gregory: can the GOP take the Senate?

Todd: Nevada is fascinating because you have a milquetoast senate majority leader up against an utter lunatic

Gregory: that’s very interesting

Todd: in the House Democrats are playing
an away game

[ break ]

Gregory: so roundtable what do voters want?

Brokaw: my keen insight says people are mad and believe everything they see on Facebook, Twitter and YouTube

Cook: this is a Parliament election

Gregory: Funkadelic!

Cook: the GOP is going to explode!

Gregory: people are very angry but then again we have a very controversial rally for sanity

Norris: those horrible progressives should have been out canvassing instead of attending a rally

Gregory: indeed they should shower and get a job and knock on doors

Norris: voters are very pragmatic and want something done so will vote for a person who
wants to bring a chicken to the doctor

Halperin: the rally for sanity was the Angry Left like the Beck rally was the Angry Right

Todd: the next 2 years will be a war of the White House vs. the House of Representatives

Gregory: ooh cool

Todd: we don’t know how crazy the House will be - Batshit Insane or merely Totally Psycho

Cook: by ten p.m. election night returns should tell us the results of the election

Gregory: truly you have amazing insight

Gregory: Mark Halperin you say Obama is a compromising moderate who is too far left

Brokaw: Obama does the right things but he is an emotionless Vulcan

Halperin: Obama doesn’t fight for the
American people

Norris: he hasn’t made the case for his own Presidency

Gregory: I don’t care what the truth is and I have studied this and precious few Democrats are running with the President

Brokaw: I was on the Internet and the President
is very unpopular

Gregory: that walrus doing exercises is a clear repudiation of Obamacare

Brokaw: #warble

Gregory: #ihateobama

Gregory: wow that race is Florida is crazy and it’s bad for Democrats there!

Norris: forget that - it will crush Democrats
across the nation!

Gregory: the bloggersphere is angry!

Cook: that’s silly

Gregory: what is the GOP planning?

Brokaw: the tea party wants to repeal health care, social security drug benefits and the law of gravity

Gregory: what will Obama do?

Halperin: he’s got to stop being so passive where he justs sit back and enacts stimulus, health care reform, financial reform - he’s go to do something!

Gregory: he’s so lazy - people hate him!

Todd: there is going to be a big budget fight in 2011!

Gregory: wow that sounds like much fun

Todd: the tea party will offer a chance for Obama to create a rift in the GOP

Brokaw: they are an odd bunch

Gregory: people want politicians to work together

Halperin: that’s not the tea party’s m.o.

Gregory: what about the war?

Brokaw: which one?

Gregory: Afghanistan

Brokaw: the war against Islamic Rage

Gregory: ooh that’s a fun one too

Brokaw: we should talk about how a small number
of troops are doing all the fighting

Audience: should we have had the conversation
in 2001?

Cook: everyone assumed Obama would be weak on defense but it turns out he’s soft on jobs

Todd: the tea party are isolationists so we might as well pull out of Afghanistan

Cook: the GOP is going to have an unearned win this election because there are no jobs

Todd: Feingold losing would hurt Obama in 2012

Brokaw: Reagan’s approval ratings were worse than Obama’s after 2 years

Gregory: Dutch?? [ sobs ]

Special Halloween Episode - 2009

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - October 31, 2010

John Brennan
Sen. John Cornyn (R-TX)
Sen. Bob Menendez (D-NJ)
Amanpour: are there any explosive packages
still out there and what do they look like?

Brennan: worry if you get any unexpected mail from Yemen that is ticking loudly

Amanpour: is it all a plot by a woman and her daughter to wreck America?

Brennan: I didn’t come here to talk about the Palins

Amanpour: who is behind this?

Brennan: we’re looking for all kinds of people

Amanpour: like the men behind the underwear bomber

Brennan: we’re looking for the smoking thong

Amanpour: the PETN got by the PETS!

Brennan: it’s a bit of problem

Amanpour: what else can you do?

Brennan: forget sniffing dogs - we solved this plot with information from Saudi government

Amanpour: how did they know about it

Brennan: let’s just say they have their methods

Amanpour: should we all fly naked?

Brennan: that may work in Sweden but not here

Amanpour: what about cargo planes?

Brennan: they’re full of in-flight bombs like Clash
of the Titans

Amanpour: are we safe

Brennan: no but what can you do?

Amanpour: were they targeting synagogues?

Brennan: no they were only addressed there
to throw off suspicion

Amanpour: of course

Amanpour: will you win the Senate

Cornyn: no but we will in 2012

Amanpour: the end of the world!

Amanpour: have you given up on that loon
Joe Miller?

Cornyn: oh yeah but at least a Republican
is going to win

Menendez: I think we have a chance - Alaska
is crazy after all

Amanpour: Is this worse than 1994?

Menendez: no because people dislike Dems
but they also hate Republicans

Amanpour: good news indeed

Menendez: we need to remind people that the GOP brought us to the brink of destruction

Amanpour: people think Obama raised taxes, the debt, bailed out the banks and is from Rhodesia

Menendez: I think some of those aren’t true

Amanpour: you want Obama want to be a
one-term President

Cornyn: look in January 2009 we remembered
we care about spending

Amanpour: can there ever be bipartisanship?

Menendez: no because the GOP want Obama to fail

Amanpour: why are you keeping your spending
cuts a secret?

Cornyn: we will reveal our plans after the election

Amanpour: not before?

Cornyn: it will be fun like a surprise party

Amanpour: how about raising taxes on the rich?

Cornyn: oh no no

Amanpour: why not just keep the tax cuts for everybody?

Menendez: I thought the GOP was worried about
the debt!

Cornyn: who me?

Amanpour: David Vitter stopped spending money on prostitutes long enough to spend money to attack Hispanics

Cornyn: this is about Yemen terrorists!

Amanpour: ok then

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Meet The Press with Michael Steele - October 24, 2010

Michael Steele - RNC Chair
Harold Ford - Fmr Dem Rep.
E.J. Dionne
Rachel Maddow
Rick Santelli

Gregory: Oooh the Final Countdown to election day - here’s the chair of the RNC!!!

Steele: hey-ooo!!!

Gregory: Mike is it true Republicans created a big mess and decided to obstruct Obama so the mess wouldn’t be fixed?

Steele: oh no Republicans wanted to tort reform
and Obama said no

Gregory: oh that is so sad!

Steele: Fluffy the GOP leaders tried to meet with Obama and he wouldn’t invite them to his
Superbowl party

Gregory: so are we looking at a massive
GOP sweep?

Steele: Greggers the excitement is off the hook!
it’s crazy!

Gregory: whoa that’s amazing

Steele: we’re taking the House - it’s on
it’s happening!

Gregory: I don’t want to throw cold water on your party but I can’t help but notice that you nominated
a bunch of lunatics for high office

Steele: look Chris we all make misstatements

Gregory: my name is David

Steele: see what I mean!

Gregory: right

Steele: you have to look into someone’s heart not whether they are a witch or hate gays or have never read the Constitution or wear a Nazi uniform

Gregory: is O’Donnell qualified for the U.S. Senate?

Steele: it’s snobbish and very elitist to insist that a Senator be able to read at a third-grade level

Gregory: Pelosi says the GOP is creating a plutocracy

Steele: Pluto?! Who cares about some damm
cartoon dog?!?!

Gregory: ok

Steele: don’t be high and mighty about disclosure - Nancy Pelosi should disclose what she says the GOP are not disclosing!

Gregory: are there secret organizations funding
GOP elections?

Steele: How should I know?!?! They’re secret!!

Gregory: well that seems like a problem

Steele: the law doesn’t require disclosure!

Gregory: well should it?

Steele: I love transparency so Nancy Pelosi should put up or shut and identify the secret funders
of GOP elections!!

Gregory: Eric Cantor says National Public Radio is captured by radical Islamic terrorists

Steele: Garrison Keillor may wear muslim garb -
who can say?? The man is on the damm radio!!

Gregory: a salient point indeed

Steele: look Juan Williams was expressing his own fear of muslim garb which is the same thing that
Tina Notenberg said about Strom Thurmond

Gregory: should we eliminate NPR?

Steele: I’m not interested in policy I just want to use this ridiculous issue to win elections

Gregory: can we win in 2012?

Steele: oh it’s gonna be incredibly exciting -
in 2 years the GOP is going to have a whole new crop of crazy people and delusional psychotics
to run for office!

Gregory: speaking of that - your tenure at the RNC has been one fiasco after another

Steele: look I’m a different kind of chairman - I’ve created a network of unqualified ignorant freaks all across this country

Gregory: thank you very much Mike

[ break ]

Gregory: so group what’s going on with the 2010 elections?

Brooks: voters hate everybody so the elections are all getting closer

Maddow: the country hasn’t changed ideologically in 2 years as exciting as all those tea partiers are

Gregory: Obama says America is scared and so people act irrationally

Santelli: that’s odd because all the rich people I know are very calm and happy

Dionne: Dems need a clear message embracing and even bragging about the stimulus and health care reform

Gregory: but as a nation we’re on the wrong track!

Ford: Obama and Democrats have to focus on jobs and growth and also do whatever Republicans want

Gregory: what about all these secret donations pouring into political campaigns and putting on confusing ads?

Brooks: it’s only important if you care about it corrupting our government - let’s talk about whether it affects the horse race!

Gregory: yeah!

Brooks: it’s only $12 million - who cares?

Dionne: hell yeah $200 million matters - why do you think corporations are spending this money just for the fun or it??

Maddow: we don’t know how much money is being spent by Karl Rove because it’s a fucking secret

Gregory: this is the law of the land - should it be changed?

Santelli: I’m a firm believer in process - for example we could have a process to buy and sell Senate seats on eBay

Gregory: Rick Santelli you are the Father of the Tea Party - and your candidates are mostly illiterate nuts and not even winning

Santelli: let’s not be snobs just because a candidate hasn’t read the First Amendment

Gregory: you’re joking

Ford: the problem is she celebrates her ignorance - on the other hand I’ve been on Capitol Hill those guys are not too bright either

Gregory: after all you were in Congress

Ford: exactly

Maddow: The 2010 election can be summed up in Nevada: Reid is very unpopular but will because Sharron Angle is crazy, violent and racist

Ford: look all politicians are corrupt and most are insane

Gregory: even Fortune magazine thinks the GOP plan is incoherent

Brooks: the people want their cake and eat it too - which the GOP has promised since 1980

Gregory: let us cry for Juan Williams

Dionne: a student of mine once listened to every hour of NPR for a whole week

Audience: dear god

Dionne: NPR is a good news organization and Fox
is a pure propaganda network

Gregory: perhaps

Dionne: they should have told Juan Williams to choose between NPR and Fox

Ford: oh poor poor Juan Williams!

Santelli: we just need to elect ignorant uninformed rabid anti-government Tea Partiers to make raising taxes popular

Maddow: that’s the single stupidest thing I have
ever heard in my entire life

Gregory: and that’s Meet The Press

Digby & Watertiger on Virtually Speaking Sunday Tonight
October 24 8:00 p.m. EST / 5:00 p.m. Pacific

Simulcast on BlogTalkRadio:
Subscribe via iTunes -
Second Life:

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - October 24, 2010

Tim Kaine - DNC Chair
Ed Gillespie - GOP strategist
Anita Dunn - Dem strategist
George Will
Amy Walter
Amanpour: the election is 9 days away and America has so many lunatics to choose from

Kaine: we can keep the House if everything changes

Amanpour: the polls say you’re gong to lose

Kaine: true - but have you seen those cheering rallies?

Amanpour: Will Pelosi stay on?

Kaine: she deserves a medal for herding all those assholes

Amanpour: and the Senate?

Kaine: thank god for Angle, O’Donnell, and that looney Toomey

Amanpour: but why aren’t you sweeping into office with rose petals strewn at your feet?

Kaine: we got the policy right but forgot to
advertise our successes

Amanpour: that seems like the kind of thing
a politician would remember

Kaine: well we were all very busy at the time

Amanpour: Bill Clinton says he can’t believe
you might lose the House after just 2 years of Obama’s Presidency

Kaine: um, 1994?

Amanpour: but you need to sell whatever you’ve done

Kaine: we saved the auto industry and prevented
a Depression

Amanpour: the Dems are running away from your famous health care reform

Kaine: I don’t see that happening - very much anyway

Amanpour: but Republicans are running ads
against health care reform

Kaine: of course they are - they also dress like Nazis and pay their coven tithes in chickens

Amanpour: why don’t you undisclosed-outside-funded ads?

Kaine: because we’re pure and believe in full disclosure

Amanpour: the economy sucks and the Democrats are in charge of all three branches of government

Kaine: we’ve accomplished an incredible amount
but the Republicans won’t allow us to accomplish anything

Amanpour: sell me on your achievements

Kaine: we have great job growth

Amanpour: in 2011 will we finally get bipartisanship?

Kaine: Christiane are you high?

[ break ]

Amanpour: welcome to the rouddtable - in a time of economic hardship, American has nominated a bunch of crazy people, weirdos, psychotics and general nutjobs

Will: the tea party was created out of disappointment with Bush and the Republicans

Gillespie: the tea party has energized the GOP -
I love those wackos

Amanpour: what are they so mad about?

Gillespie: Obama is taking over every business
in America!

Dunn: I agree with the tea party - the Republican party sucks

Amanpour: interesting

Dunn: there may be an enthusiasm gap but no one really wants Republican ideas - they’re just mad and disappointed

Amanpour: why are Republicans so secretive?

Gillespie: Obama hides the identity of people who gave him only $10 and unions are spending taxpayer money on elections!

Dunn: dear god that’s stupid

Gillespie: look we’re obeying the corrupt laws we enacted to protect billionaires

Walter: voters are anti-everything - they would vote against themselves if they could

Will: it’s amazing that billionaires don’t spend more to influence elections - they’re so selfless and wonderful

Dunn: so government is bought and paid for - people care about that!

Gillespie: people don’t care about corrupt elections - they care about the debt!

Amanpour: polls say people want the government to create jobs

Dunn: Bush was losing a million jobs a month!

Will: the election is over and the voters have said they hate Obama

Amanpour: thank you for that report from fantasy-land