Sunday, January 08, 2017

Meet The Press – January 8, 2017

Sen. John McCain
Sen. Lindsey Graham
Ashton Carter – U.S. Secretary of Defense
Rep. Donna Edwards
Andrea Mitchell
David Brooks
Rick Santelli

Todd: omg Vladimir Putin committed
crimes to denigrate Hillary Clinton 
and elect Donald Trump

Todd: Putin stole John Podesta's
risotto recipe and gave it to wikileaks!

Trump: boy do I love WikiLeaks!

Todd: the Kremlin celebrated their big win!

Trump: why is everybody
always attacking Russia?
It's like Russia Russia Russia!

Trump: the CIA has no idea
about anything those big dummies

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Senators
John McCain and Lindsey Graham

Johndsey: hi todd

Todd: Trump says criticizing
Russia is just a witch hunt

McCain: that's crazy

Graham: he thinks discovering
Russia hacked the election
will undermine his Presidency

Todd: he's right

Graham: but not even Democrats
are saying he's not going to 
get to be the President

Todd: he gets the big round office 
and everything!

Graham: there's no doubt that 
Podesta's e-mails were stole by 
Russia and given to wikileaks

Todd: and now ISIS is enjoying
some sweet creamy risotto

Graham: soon Trump will be
the leader of all democracies

McCain: dear god

Todd: what is wrong with Donald Trump?

Graham: he's worried these
revelations about Russia
make him look like Putin's stooge

Todd: he's doing just fine on his own

Graham: as a democracy we cannot
ignore foreign interference in our elections

Todd: right – so we should 
stop being a democracy

Graham: that's not what I meant

Todd: oh okay

Graham: all I ask is for Donald Trump
to show some integrity and leadership
and defend America

Todd: that seems like a lot actually

Graham: the KGB celebrated Trump's win!

Todd: high fives all around

McCain: it's obvious they committed
all kinds of crimes to elect this crazy person

Todd: was Trump was in 
contact with Moscow?

McCain: we need to find out!

Todd: will we?

McCain: no because the GOP
doesn't want to know the answer

Graham: we should have a big
investigation and get to the bottom of this

Todd: wherever it leads?

Graham: yes!

Todd: golly

Graham: I tell my Republican friends
if you are gleeful about this you are
hack and you are not a patriot

McCain: you tell 'em Linds

Graham: we should hit them where it hurts!

Todd: kick to the groin?

Graham: no I was thinking
of oil and gas sanctions

Todd: we support democracy
so aren't we just as bad?

McCain: Todd you simpleton they
are taking down our electric plants

Graham: ooh snap John

Todd: Trump seems to really
really like Vladimir Putin

McCain: he's slaughtering Ukrainians!

Graham: I want to punch Putin!

McCain: you go Lindsey

Graham: ooh I would
give him such a smack

Todd: I bet he's nervous now

Graham: I want to see U.S. soldiers
in the Baltics and seamen in tropics

Todd: admit it – wouldn't Hillary be better

McCain: no because of 
Benghazi and Wikileaks

Graham: no because I really
want tax cuts for rich people

Graham: if he bashes Russia
then he will be a hero

Todd: judge Barack Obama for me

McCain: he's the first black President
proving there is no more racism in America

Todd: I thought as much

McCain: but he didn't bomb
Assad which made me sad

Graham: Michelle is very dignified

Todd: say something bad about him

Graham: he's weak America and let evil thrive

Todd: what else?

Graham: he's weak

Todd: any other words?

Graham: also weak

Todd: thanks for coming guys

[ break ]

Conway: sure Russia tried to 
hack the election to try to elect 
Donald Trump but they did not 
succeed in electing Donald Trump

Todd: so he plans plans to punish Russia

Conway: I didn't say that!

Todd: okay

Conway: Nyet! Nyet!

Todd: so panelists Trump is finally
accepting that Russia hacked

Mitchell: no he's not – only Kelly Conway did

Todd: close enough

Mitchell: it's not just hacking –
it's about fake news

Todd: are you talking about me

Mitchell: whether they 
succeeded isn't the issue

Todd: although they did

Brooks: Trump's ego won't let
him admit he won with Putin's help

Todd: or anyone else's

Brooks: but this is really about
the post WWII order

Brooks: they see Russia as an ally of
Christian autocracy against radical Islam

Santelli: when a crime is committed
no one ever asks 'who did it?'

Todd: um really?

Santelli: the media is being so unfair!

Santelli: no one talked about 
the hack at the time!

Santelli: this is about Hillary's 
private e-mail server!

Todd: whoa Rick slow down
we can only take so much bullshit

Edwards: the next time it might Republicans

Brooks: Putin guys murders journalists!

Santelli: you all just hate Trump

Mitchell: that's not true Rick

Brooks: yes it is but that's not the point

Santelli: we hacked Angela Merkel
everybody does it!

Mitchell: you sir an idiot

Santelli: there were no headlines at the time!

Santelli: it's all kabuki theater!

Santelli: the CIA are a bunch of liberals!

Mitchell: who is this lunatic

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Secretary Carter

Carter: nice to be here Chet

Todd: John McCain calls
Russia's hacking an act of war

Carter: well it's very serious

Todd: how should we respond

Carter: it's a secret but it's very clever

Todd: why won't Obama attack Russia?

Carter: well first we had to have a written report

Todd: Trump says “stupid” 
people don't like Russia

Carter: Putin is very hostile to the U.S.

Todd: is Russia an ally against ISIS?

Carter: no not at all they lied

Todd: really?

Carter: yeah we're doing it all on our own

Todd: well good luck

Carter: U.S. troops are on the 
Tigris river today

Todd: say hi to Hammurabi for me

Carter: will do

Todd: Obama's Syria red line was the
most important world event since the
Peace of Westphalia

Carter: that might be overstating it

Todd: but there would be World Peace
if not for Obama's red line

Carter: the Russians are evil dipshits

Todd: should we bomb North Korea?

Carter: no Chuck

Todd: but I'm bored

Carter: we have 28,000 troops in
Korea with the slogan 'Fight Tonight'

Todd: but there's a big NFL game tonight

Carter: I didn't mean that literally

Todd: would we shoot down
a missile from North Korea?

Carter: you betcha

Todd: the Fort Lauderdale
shooter was a troubled vet

Carter: we take PTSD very seriously

Todd: have we done enough?

Carter: no

Todd: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Todd: time to crunch some numbers!

Todd: people with Obamacare
care voted for Trump

Todd: an Iowa country had a 50 %
drop in uninsured and still voted
overwhelming for Trump

Todd: same thing in Ohio

Todd: the GOP has no choice but
to pretend to repeal the ACA

Todd: but then they may take
away people's health care

Rand Paul: we have to replace 
not just replace

Corker: yes we must do both simultaneously

[ break ]

Santelli: your health care
coverage will not be interrupted
so stop worrying you losers

Santelli: competition will solve all this!

Mitchell: if Republicans repeal the
ACA they will lose billions in tax revenue

Todd: lucky for us repeal will take years

Brooks: there's no proof of that

Santelli: people will have worse
health care but so what

Edwards: if they had replacement
for Obamacare they would have a
replacement for Obamacare

Todd: can Trump make a deal
to fix the ACA with Chuck Schumer?

Mitchell: Trump just called him a clown

Todd: what is a GOP version of Obamacare?

Edwards: Obamacare is the Republican plan

Santelli: cars have tires so stop whining

Brooks: the GOP won't 
commit political suicide

Todd: are you sure?

Todd: Democrats made a mistake
when the didn't bring Republicans
into the health care process

Edwards: that's not what happened Charles

Santelli: I predict you will see compromise

Todd: I fucking love compromise!!

Todd: ha ha ha the Murdoch paper
NY Post want Hillary Clinton to run
for Mayor of New York

Mitchell: they just hate Bill Di Blasio

Mitchell it's a trial balloon

Brooks: she should go on 
Celebrity Apprentice

Todd: I love that idea!

Todd: we have a conflict of interest
because that show is on NBC

Todd but let's talk about it anyway

Todd: Trump is in a twitter feud
with Arnold Schwarzenegger
bashing the show

Todd: but he's still the executive
producer so he's trashing his own show

Santelli: yeah maybe not do that

Mitchell: and he sent that tweet
just before he got the security briefing!

Todd: he's a tweeting machine

Brooks: just ignore him

Mitchell he's the damn incoming president

Todd: Trump is interfering 
with U.S. businesses

Santelli: it's okay when a Republican does it

Mitchell: we haven't even talked
about Trump's ethics issues!

Todd: sorry we're out of time

Todd: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Meet The Press – December 11, 2016

Reince Priebus
Doris Goodwin
Michael Steele
Kimberly Strassel
Mike Stengel
Mike Rowe

Todd: holy fuck the CIA says
Russia interfered with our election
to put Donald Trump in the White House!

Todd: and Mitch McConnell 
rejected saying anything!

Todd: it's stunning!

Todd: and when he heard about it Trump
sided with a foreign government over the CIA

Trump: the CIA said Saddam
had WMD – you can't trust them!

Todd: the CIA says Russia hacked the RNC

Trump: it could a guy on his bed
in New Jersey who weighs 400 lbs

Trump: Putin could not have
been nicer to me!

Trump: Russia if you're listening
I hope you hack more Americans

Lindsey Graham: he's destabilizing the world!

Todd: the CEO of Exxon got the
Order of Friendship and their highest
honor The Badge of the Blackhat

Tillerson: I have a very close 
relationship with Putin

McCain: he's a thug and murderer!

Tillerson: ease up – it was only an oil spill

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Michael McFaul

McFaul: thanks Ted

Todd: what about this hacking

McFaul: the CIA has
connected the dots for us

Todd: that's always helpful

McFaul: now we know they hacked
the DNC and gave it wikileaks

Todd: didn't we know that already?

McFaul: but now that conclusion
has credibility of the CIA behind it

Todd: whats Putin's motivation

McFaul: he hates Hillary Clinton

Todd: why is that?

McFaul: he was an early 
investor in Whitewater

Todd: really?

McFaul: no really it's because he says
she interfered in his Parliamentary elections

Todd: I see

McFaul: this wouldn't be so suspicious
but Donald Trump is very pro Putin and
he says it all the damn time

Todd: that's true

McFaul: that doesn't mean it was coordinated

Todd: are you concerned with CEO
of Exxon becoming Secretary of State

McFaul: Exxon made a huge deal
with Russia until they invaded Ukraine

Todd: Exxon?

McFaul: no Russia

Todd: well I wouldn't put it past them

McFaul: would Trump retain the sanctions?

Todd: how should I know

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Reince

Priebus: thanks Tad

Todd: Lindsay Graham says
Rex Tillerson is un-nerving

Priebus: he's also talking to Giuliani
and Petraeus for Secretary of State

Todd: a guy who was a Mayor 15 years
ago and another who deliberately
revealed military secrets

Priebus: this is premature speculation!

Todd: I see

Priebus: everyone is jumping
the shark on this!

Todd: is Tillerson qualified?

Priebus: he's despoiled
landscapes all over the world!

Todd: so he should be Secretary of State?

Priebus: he knows all the international laws!

Todd: he does?

Priebus: sure he's violated environmental laws, labor laws. human rights laws, sovereignty laws,tax laws...

Todd: so we're going to have
an oil CEO as America's chief diplomat

Priebus: he makes deals!

Todd: even with Putin?

Priebus: I don't believe in
having enemies or crummy relations

Todd: you're going lift the sanctions aren't you

Priebus: no not at all

Todd: it sounds like it

Priebus: we're going to cut a deal with Putin!

Todd: Trump attacked the CIA

Priebus: the Trump loves the CIA

Todd: he just humiliated them

Priebus: the RNC was not hacked!

Todd: then why was the FBI involved

Priebus: because the DNC was hacked

Todd: what about vendors or personal e-mails

Priebus: we were not hacked!

Todd: okay

Priebus: we were told by the FBI not hacked

Todd: okay but-

Priebus: don't get defensive with me!

Todd: do you believe Russia
was involved in any way shape or form

Priebus: we were not hacked!

Todd: that's not what I asked you

Priebus: it could be

Todd: do you believe 
John Podesta was hacked?

Priebus: I don't know!

Todd: but Trump was briefed on this

Priebus: you have no source!

Todd: do you believe Russia
interfered with the election – yes or no?

Priebus: stop attacking Russia!

Todd: do you even give a shit about this?

Priebus: sure we do

Todd: it doesn't seem like it

Priebus: someone hacked!

Todd: how do you know?

Priebus: who did the hacking?

Todd: 17 agencies says it was Russia

Priebus: stop attacking Putin!

Todd: what about Russia?

Priebus: its all lies!!

Todd: thanks for coming Reince

Priebus: Puuutiiiin!

[ break ]

Todd: omg Rep Schiff has seen the
evidence against Russia first hand!

Todd: welcome Congressman

Schiff: hi Chuck

Todd: talk hacking to me

Schiff: there is no doubt 
that Russia hacked us

Todd: none?

Schiff: it was not a 400 lb guy in New Jersey

Todd: good news for Chris Christie

Schiff: they had a pro-Putin candidate

Todd: I see

Schiff: Trump criticizes NATO and
wants to lift the sanctions on Russia

Todd: true

Schiff: Russia dumped information 
just to hurt Clinton

Todd: okay but the CIA 
has been wrong before

Schiff: I can't tell you how we know
but we know it was Russia

Todd: oooh I love secrets

Schiff: Russia can hack anyone at anytime

Todd: how comforting

Schiff: now I fear Trump will reject
intelligence if he doesn't like it

Todd: that's his right

Schiff: Trump is giving Russia's
hacking of our election cover
it's extraordinary

Todd: Mitch McConnell wanted
to keep it a secret

Schiff: that's true I was there

Schiff: but Obama could have
made it public anyway

Todd: was it a mistake by Obama not to?

Schiff: yes – it invites more hacking!

Todd: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Todd: talk hacking to me Michael

Steele: he's right there was
no hacking of the RNC

Steele: but that doesn't mean
that Russia didn't try to interfere

Strassel: everyone agrees
that Russia hacked us

Todd: not Reince Preibus

Strassel: okay all normal people

Strassel: but the RNC wasn't
hacked so ergo no proof they
were trying to help elect Trump

Stengel: we are in a global information war!

Stengel: Russia Today is part of it

Todd: what's that

Stengel: it's like the Today Show
but their weatherman is still chubby

Todd: I see

Stengel: also it's Putin propaganda

Todd: all right

Stengel: they're trying to get us
to question our own elections

Todd: it's working

Goodwin: Trump is attacking
the CIA which is not wise

Goodwin: why doesn't he just say
'yes there was hacking but I won anyway'

Strassel: maybe Russia thought Hillary was
going to win and wanted to undermine her

Steele: Trump loves controversy!

Todd: full confession so do I

Steele: and he just really likes Rex Tillerson

Stengel: diplomacy is not about cutting deals

Steele: actually it is – all world politics is 
'every man for himself'

Stengel: what about freedom of
speech and freedom of religion?

Steele: screw em

Todd: John Glenn had many great moments
in his life from WWII to Korea to orbiting
the earth to the U.S. Senate but none 
as monumental as his appearances 
on 'Meet The Press'

[ break ]

Todd: Mike Rowe hosts 'Dirty Jobs'

Todd: you are suitably casually dressed

Roe: all my suits are rubber

Todd: you wrote in February that we're
losing lots of blue-collar jobs to robots

Roe: on my tv show 'Dirty Jobs' the
big lesson is important work is done
and no one pays attention

Todd: not true – I tip my 
goatee trimmer handsomely

Roe: in 2004 we heard things like
we've heard in 2016 – none of the executives
thought the show would be a hit because
they're all snobs who hate blue collar workers

Todd: retraining from factory
jobs is not realistic

Rowe: a lesson from my tv show
is hard work is satisfying

Stengel: the problem is not globalization
it's automation

Rowe: there are 5 million jobs unfilled
because we've got a skills gap

Goodwin: a job provides dignity

Todd: unless you host a Sunday talk show

Rowe: society falls apart 
without the garbage worker

Todd: Poubelle was a goddamn hero

Strassel: we keep pushing
kids to college – and for what?

Todd: the drunken orgies?

Strassel: the smartest people
I know are skilled tradesmen

Rowe: farmers have to be really smart –
not every job requires a 4 year degree

Steele: a dirty job is a good job

Todd: thanks for coming to Meet the Press

Rowe: I'll be back to cover the show

Todd: this is a dirty job sometimes!

[ break ]

Todd: is a danger in Trump over-denying?

Strassel: he should at least acknowledge
there was some hacking

Strassel: but people act as 
if his election was illegitimate

Steele: they will forced to concede
there was Russian hacking in
Tillerson's hearings

Todd: it's unusual for President-elect 
to go after the CIA

Goodwin: Nixon had secret talks
with a country we were at war with
behind Johnson's back and the CIA knew

Todd: what a swell guy

Stengel: there is an existential information
threat and it's coming from Russia

Stengel: the Berlin Wall fell because
of an information revolution

Stengel: you can take a nation
down through information

Steele: yeah but what are you gonna do?

Todd: what a show! What a week!

Todd: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press